Lights out

My Brother Steve

2011-03-02T08:18:00.000-10:00

Happy Birthday to my Brother Steve! People thought we were twins when we were young, we are just a little more than a year apart in age. We went everywhere together. We were the team that ganged up on the other kids. We were the Dick and Tommy Smothers of the neighborhood....I played the straightman....Steve is the funny one.

Steve can make me laugh....he can say anything and make me laugh. He used to just call out a word...rutabaga, horseshoe, quantum physics...and I would be rolling on the floor laughing. I lost the "who can go the longest without laughing game" EVERY time, and it was all Steve's fault. If I was playing against anyone else, guaranteed I could win, but Steve is the master of making me laugh.

I miss Steve, I only see him every few years. I haven't seen him now for 5 years. He lives in Indianapolis, I live in Hawaii. Who knows when he will come here or I will go there, maybe someday we can meet in the middle, but meanwhile, I miss him.

Love you, Bro, have a wonderful day and may this year be a good one for you, Lord knows it is time for you to have some good years.

Hiking in a Lava Tube!

2011-02-07T20:24:00.001-10:00

Well, while you were probably snowed in and busy watching the Superbowl, we were hiking in a lava tube! I didn't even realize until today that yesterday was Superbowl Sunday. Not that I would have watched the game since we don't have a TV.

I sold the TV right after David passed away. I haven't missed it a bit though I confess I am going to watch Survivor on CBS.com, it is my one TV vice and I've been a fan since the very first show. Enough of that, back to the lava tube.

Rachel, U'i and I drove to Hawai'i Volcanoes National Park yesterday after a short visit to our local farmer's market. The drive was lovely, maybe a 1/2 hour from our house.

We started out at an elevation of 53 feet from sea level, and went up to well over 4,000 feet. The volcano we visited is Kilauea. This volcano has been continuously erupting since 1982, adding many square miles of new land each year where the lava flows into the ocean. The park also encompasses another volcano, Mauna Loa, which is actually the tallest mountain on earth when measuring from its base in the ocean to the top. It is well over 35,000 feet tall. It also has snow at the summit and many people ski there, then in 15 minutes they can also surf in the ocean. There is snow on the summit right now.

We didn't go that far yesterday, just limiting our stay to the summit of Kilauea, the visitor center there and hiking the Thurston Lava tube. We will be spending many, many more days in this wonderful National Park in the future.

Here is a picture of the fern filled trail on the way to the Lava Tube.

After a short hike, the trail enters the actual lava tube.

The tube itself took maybe 5 minutes to hike through, and then it was another short hike back to the parking area.

Just a few miles away is the caldera. Quite a contrast to this first part of the park!

We spent about 4 hours in the park and just barely scratched the surface. Stay tuned for further adventures. We can't wait to see the lava flowing into the ocean and this same caldera at night, where the steam looks like fire shooting into the sky!

On the hunt again!

2011-02-04T08:54:00.003-10:00

This has been one of those whirlwind kinda weeks. Since I last posted, our world has turned upside down!

We moved into the rental house. It is a wonderful house and we have a great landlord. Steve is just the nicest guy and has been above and beyond helpful and friendly. He has a cat named Snow Tiger or ST for short, ST and Ui bonded immediately.

He designed and built this house. He had a bunch of furniture that was not being used so when we moved in on Saturday, he set up 2 twin beds in Ui's room, beds he built himself. A double bed in Rachel's room and a double bed in my room, which was also built by Steve. My bed is very high, and has shelves for storage underneath. A real move up from sleeping on a futon on the floor which is what I have done since April 15, 2008 when I moved back to Hawaii!!!

There was a table and 3 chairs for the dining room, a huge desk for Rachel, a futon couch and several bookshelves and a couple of storage cabinets for each room. The house is very open and spacious with a HUGE kitchen. Wood floors throughout with the exception of Ui's room which is carpeted. Two bathrooms and a separate kitchenette off Rachel's room.

The house is on an acre set quite a ways back from the road.

The neighbors have a couple of sheep and everyone has free range chickens. Just down the road are some woods and wild boar! We have spotted at least 4 adults and 8 babies. So cute!

A friend shipped 3 boxes of our stuff from storage on Sunday and pots and pans, cooking utensils, curtains, and some of Ui's toys and miscellaneous other items arrived on Monday afternoon. So we can cook again! Yaye! The remaining things from storage will be shipped out on Feb. 16th when Rachel goes back to Oahu to take care of that, now that we have a place to live.

Ui started school on Monday. I went with Ui for that first day as Rachel was buy with conference calls from work and couldn't get away. I met the teacher and toured the campus with Ui to get her bearings. We really like this new teacher, Mrs. Nakamura, she is an older grandmotherly type woman, very friendly. After school she walked Ui to the car and hugged her and welcomed us. She told me that they had done some preliminary reading testing and that Ui is reading well above the 2nd grade level at 5th or 6th grade level. I knew she was reading well, but was happy to hear that she is that advanced. Ui made a few new friends on the first day, her new best friend is named Harley. By today, which is Friday, I think Ui knows half the school already.

Tuesday Ui rode the school bus for the first time. We have a little hike down the unpaved country road we live on to get to the bus stop. The bus picks her up at 6:30am and drops her off at 3pm. Rachel and I have been walking to and from the bus stop twice a day, it is about a 15 minute walk each way, so instantly we are getting a good hour of exercise. We are really enjoying this.

Today Rachel and Ui had to RUN for the bus as we left the house late and they made it to the bus stop with one minute to spare. I plodded along and got there right after she left on the bus.   I'm sorry, but I am not going to run!

I have been applying for jobs all week. So far no calls for interviews but I'm hoping I will hear from someone soon. Job hunting is really stressful when you have not worked a regular job for 12 years but I know something good is waiting for me.

Ok, back to the house.    Last thing I wrote was that we had a 5-6 month wait on the house due to a title wording mistake. A friend here has a brother-in-law who is the head of the realtors in all of Hawaii. He called and asked us what was going on. Turns out that the attorney who did the foreclosure on the house Rachel was trying to buy had screwed up over 200 foreclosures including this one! D... told us that this is why there is such a backlog at the land court. We talked to him on Monday afternoon. He dictated a letter to Rachel over the phone to put some fear in the bank, realtor, attorneys, etc. involved in the house deal. He told Rachel to give them 96 hours to respond and either reimburse her expenses,  or take care of the problem,  or seek legal recourse. The letter included this information and Rachel immediately typed up a draft and sent it to D.... for approval before sending copies via certified mail to all parties involved. This was Monday.

By Tuesday morning Rachel's orginal realtor called to let us know that the bank that owns the house had backed out of the deal and pulled the house off the market. This was before even receiving the threat letter, apparently someone realized that this mistake on the title would be causing some real legal problems. So.... our dream house is not even available now.

This is ok, it relieved us of having to make a decision of whether to wait out the land court backlog or to look for another house.   Our new realtor, D... has already sent us a bunch of listings, we have driven by those houses and found a handful that we are interested in. We meet with D... tomorrow to get a closer look at these and one in particular Rachel is thinking of a making an offer on if the inside is as nice as it appears on the website.

Anyway, we are no longer homeless. We are settling in and have made several new friends already. So life is looking up and we are ready to move onward and upward!   Thanks to all who wished us the best and gave us encouraging words that things would work out. We feel at peace.

Sigh....I will not freak out, I will not freak out.........

2011-01-28T20:43:00.000-10:00

Today was not a good day. Rachel heard from her lender and the house may take ANOTHER 5 -6 MONTHS to close. Yes, months. It is a long story about an attorney that didn't do her homework and worded the title wrong and then didn't file the petition to change the wording when she should have and now there is huge backlog at the land court so this is not going to happen for awhile.
Soooooo, we found a house to rent and will be moving in tomorrow. It is in the same area the house is in, in fact just one street away and a few blocks down. It is a 3 bedroom house and is clean and neat, even has some furniture in it. The guy is willing to rent it month to month which is good. Meanwhile Rachel needs to decide if she wants to go thru with the house purchase, sue the lendor, or find another house to buy or what. I don't know what to tell her but I do know it was a real let down to hear this today. We did get U'i registered at school and she starts on Monday. Rachel is going to Oahu on Tuesday to ship our stuff that is in storage.

I didn't cry, but Rachel did, but we are all ok now, we can get thru this, it is not the end of the world. One point Rachel made was when she first looked at houses, many she liked she would not even consider because David could not have gotten in them, but that is not a consideration any more so maybe we will find something even more perfect if she decides to buy something else. Still going to be a Koki Villa though and have some land and some rental type deal. Anyway, I will let you know what happens. I am going to do the job search thing starting Monday when U'i goes to school. That is stressing me, but I know it will be ok too.

Ok, did you miss me?

2011-01-23T17:35:00.000-10:00

Just a very quick update. I'm back in Hawaii. The house has NOT closed yet. CROSSING my fingers that it will close on Jan. 31, but NOT HOLDING my breath!

My trip to the mainland was wonderful and very refreshing and much needed. I will be writing of my various adventures in the near future and posting pictures. I was more or less without a computer from Dec. 2 until now. Both houses I stayed at only have hardwired internet access and their connections were being used for business so I didn't even check email except a couple of times. But I'M BACK!! I have hundreds of emails to go through, answer or delete so if you don't get a personal email from me for a few days, I hope you will understand.

Thank you to my friends and family for your support, prayers and concern for me at this time. Things are looking up and I'm feeling ready to tackle the next mountain.

Much love and Aloha from your Hawaiian Connection.
Kat

On the road again.....because I'm homeless in Hawaii!

2010-12-11T05:11:00.000-10:00

It is not really as bad as I've titled it, though it is true at the moment.

Amazingly, that very morning, Dec. 1st, my best friend Barb had called and said she was going to send me a ticket to visit her in Las Cruces, New Mexico. She said I could leave the very next day, but I told her to wait until Dec. 3rd so I could tie up some loose ends. So I spent that morning packing my suitcase, then started to walk to school to pick U'i up. That is when the landlady called and said we needed to move out that day!

I thought she meant my own apartment next door which had been vacated the week before and I reminded her I had already turned in the keys. She told me no, the one rented was the one that we were all living in! Ok, inside I was panicking as Rachel was at work and how the heck was I going to get us moved out that day, Rachel had LOTS of stuff left in her apartment.

I continued my walk up to the school and Rachel called. I asked if the landlady had called her too. Rachel hadn't heard from her, but she had good news. Before telling her the news I had, I wanted to hear her news. The good news was that there was real progress on the house we are moving to on the Big Island. More than likely it would close escrow before Christmas! WOOHOO. Then I told Rach about the call from the landlady.

Rachel said she would take off work and be right home! Then the landlady called back. This all took place on a half block walk to get U'i from school. The landlady said that she had talked to the new renter and we could have until Friday morning at 8am to vacate. This was good news. It was currently 1:20pm on Wednesday. There was no way we would have been able to get out THAT day!

So the scramble, we packed, we cleaned, we didn't sleep and we were out of Rachel's apartment by 8am Friday. Rachel and U'i moved in with my sister, where they will stay until the house is done. I got on a plane on Friday and am in Las Cruces, New Mexico until Jan. 1st. I will go from here to Colorado Springs that day and stay until who knows when so I can see my ready- to- be- born -any- day -grandchild and my son Jeremy, his wife Hannah, my grandson Micah.

Meanwhile, my parents who have been wintering in California are going to leave CA on Jan.3rd so they can see me in Colorado and my son Jason is going to try to make it there from Kentucky. I have a cousin and her new husband from Indiana who are going to go skiing while I am there so it will be a mini family reunion.

Not sure when I'm going back to Hawaii, but HOPEFULLY Rachel will be all moved into the new house and the next chapter in my life will begin. The chapter where I have to get a job after not working for 12 years! That should be interesting...stay tuned.....

Cheese and Crackers

2010-11-29T12:09:00.001-10:00

David had a cat named Zeus.   Lovely orange tabby that lived to be 23 years old.   Zeus was a very talkative cat, probably part siamese. He would ask for his food, talk to us when he was happy, sad or just felt like talking.

David and Zeus shared a common love....cheese...of any variety.   Early in our marriage David got in the habit of wanting something to eat after we made love. First it was cookies and milk but later on it became crackers and cheese.   Lucky Zeus, he would get a little piece of cheese whenever David had some.

One night after a very pleasant lovemaking session,   I could not figure out why Zeus was sitting at the foot of our bed....talking....and then talking LOUDER. He would not stop making noise.   Then David and I realized that Zeus was asking for CHEESE.   Sadly that night we did not have any cheese and crackers.

I can assure you that for the remaining years of our marriage, there was always cheese and crackers around. Zeus was happy and David and I began to ask each other if we felt like having some cheese and crackers....heeheee.

She said, "It's a beautiful day for a funeral, Nana"

2010-11-17T05:07:00.002-10:00

Actually, it wasn't a funeral on Sunday, it was a memorial and a celebration of my husband's life, but U'i is 7 and to her it was a funeral though she has never been to a funeral.

It was a beautiful day. My daughter and her boyfriend spent the morning cooking and U'i and I hung out watching them and talking. Rachel asked me if I knew what I was going to say. I told her I had no idea but that it would come to me at the right time. U'i informed us that she had prepared a speech and she had written it down. She found her Hello Kitty Clipboard and attached her speech and hunted up some paper to make a "sign in sheet".

This kid always amazes me. She had no one showing her to do these things, but obviously she had been thinking about it. U'i is a deep kid, we always have thought she was 7 going on 57, just an old soul. She would not let us read her speech at that time, so we had no idea what she was going to say. I wasn't worried though, I knew it would be special.

My sister came by and Rachel gave Beck and U'i a "secret" task. I had to leave the house so they could discuss this task and only allowed to come back after Beck and U'i had left the premises.

A couple hours later it was time to head out. The memorial was at David's favorite beach, Ala Moana, specifically in an area called Magic Island. David liked going to this area because the park here has sidewalks throughout and it was easy for him to navigate in his wheelchair. The setting is beautiful, and there always some people fishing off the shore, others enjoying a picnic, kids and adults throwing frisbies or walking their dogs, skateboarders, bikers, joggers, kite fliers, just people out enjoying this paradise of Hawaii.

David came out here often even though we live on the other side of the island. He would catch the handivan and spend the day here. Talking to strangers and I discovered later, he also ran into friends many times on his ventures. He didn't always go alone, this is one of our favorite beaches too and we often spent the day here with him. But for lone trips, this was David's favorite hangout.

On the way to the beach, we stopped to get my sister and U'i. They had finished their secret project and proudly showed it to me. They had gone to Walgreens with a flash drive filled with pictures and had made the most wonderful memory book of David. I cry just thinking about it. They had made several copies for other members of the family not able to join us for this memorial AND a bunch of single sheets of pictures and a journal entry that U'i had written and the Army newsletter bio of David. These single sheets were to be handed out when U'i had guests sign in on her sign in sheet.

As we drove to the beach, looking at the book and photos, everyone in the car was sobbing, when we weren't laughing over some of the silly pictures and the adorable captions U'i had authored.

The day WAS beautiful, perfect weather, sunny with a nice trade wind coming off the ocean. We found a good spot under a shady tree and filled up an empty picnic table with food, drinks and paper goods for eating and drinking. We tied our bouquets of helium balloons to a near by pole to mark the location for the coming guests.

Slowly people began to come, they added their dishes to the potluck and we all hung out and "talked story" about who we were and how we knew David. U'i handed out pictures and made people sign in on her clipboard. It was very informal and people arrived slowly, on Hawaiian time, we had said 3pm, but it was after 4 when the last guests came. Some people had brought leis, some for me to wear, some for later, for our goodbye to David.

After the last guest came, U'i took over. Informed us that it was time to gather in a circle. By this time our friend Bun and her husband had provided plastic chairs from her work for us all to sit under the shady tree. My sister Beck led in a prayer of thanksgiving for David's life and to bless the food we would eat.

U'i took over from here. Asking people what they would like to say about David. Several shared their thoughts and feelings about this man, my husband. Many expressed how he was not a complainer, how he did not have a "poor me" attitude. One of the volunteers from the Army Museum that David also volunteered at, shared that though his nickname for David was "Shorty", he always thought Dave stood tall, and cast the longest shadow of anyone he knew. Many shared how David always spoke of his love for his family and for me, his wife. Some stories were funny, some of the words brought tears to our eyes.

One of U'i's teachers had come. She shared how she was so moved by the bond that U'i and her Papa had because she had a sister who had lived most of her life in a wheelchair. This sister had been a cheerleader and had broken her neck in a fall during a cheer. Mrs. Buck's sister had then been confined to a wheelchair and Mrs. Buck had seen how people looked at her with fear, or avoided looking at her at all. She spoke of how those many years ago, anyone with a disability was treated "differently". She was touched by the love U'i always showed David. Touched by seeing her riding around on the back of his wheelchair and her obvious acceptance of him. How she would see U'i urge her friends that showed fear when seeing Papa for the first time to come meet him, take a try at riding on the wheelchair.

U'i pretty much MCd the whole afternoon. Introducing each speaker, and leading with applause when they finished. She read her prepared speech and added some more thoughts. She introduced me, her Nana, the wife of David. She introduced her mother, Rachel, David's daughter.

She directed us to go get food when we were done speaking and afterwards she led us to the water. U'i told us how earlier she and Mrs. Buck had tossed the rose her teacher had brought into the waves and watched it float away and how when they looked up, there was a rainbow. U'i said that rainbow was Papa smiling at them. U'i then led the other guests to throw the leis or other flowers they had brought into the ocean and we each silently said our goodbyes as the flowers floated away. U'i then helped distribute the green and white helium balloons to each person and we watched them float up into the heavens and shortly after that, the sun slowly sank into the ocean. Goodbye David, my love.........

Letter from my son

2010-11-14T22:45:00.000-10:00

I feel horrible about the way David died. In his wheelchair, slumped over, probably trying to pick up his phone and couldn't pull himself up, his breath running out on him.

Why couldn't he have died somewhere else? In his bed, on the floor... Even on the toilet. He'd been in that chair for so many years, and others like it for over 50 years, reminding him of his inability to use his legs. That fucking chair.

Those were my first thoughts about Da that i had when my mom called me to tell me he died. Now my mother is asking me to say something at his memorial that i can't be there for.

What can i say?

I loved him so much. i LOVE him still. I love him to the point that i gave my daughter his last name instead of my own so that his name would carry on because he never had any children of his own.

I am glad he died in Hawaii... in a warm place, in the place he wanted to die. With my mom.

He loved you so much you know. When i lived with you two, it was great to see how much you were loved.

I remember all the evenings Da and i would go out to the barbeque grills at the Grove and cook. Those were the times where i wouldn't have to hear about cars and gearhead stuff. We would just talk about you, or Maya, or Rachel and U'i or whatever else was important. Those were the times where he and i really connected. Talking about the females in our lives... and how much we loved them.

I know this is hard on you Ma, i am crying as i write it, but you have been an amazing person concerning your life choices and your dedication to all those disabled people you have helped to have a better life. You even married one. Da loved you immensely and you could always see it in his face and hear it in his voice. And i love you as well... i couldn't ask for a better mother.

Sleepless in Kaneohe

2010-11-14T01:56:00.000-10:00

Today the last of David's items went out the door. All week I have been going through his stuff, throwing away papers no longer needed, saving little trinkets for my kids, the grandkids, a few friends. My feelings were strange as I tossed, deleted, sorted, donated and distributed stuff. Part of me felt like I was throwing away my husband's life.........

Going through his computer, thousands of pictures of cars, mostly older cars, he called himself a gearhead, cars were his passion. No wonder his computer ran so slow, with all those car pictures on it. His email buddies were always sending him pictures, of their roadsters, of races they had been in, pictures of their first cars, cars shows they attended........ pictures of pictures they collected...pictures of parts of cars, why these interested him, I have no idea, I could not name half of what they were. That was just on the computer.....

Boxes we had in the closet, old car magazines. Not too many of these left, we had sold most of his extensive collection on ebay in years past. These sales had helped pay our bills. A small box of 8 x 10 black and white pictures, maybe 200 in total, but original pictures of famous race cars. I had talked David out of selling these, I knew he had this particular collection since he was 14. His best friend's father had been an illustrator for car magazines, doing "centerfolds" of famous cars of the 40's and 50's. These photos were the photos he used to draw his illustrations for magazines like Car and Driver, Rod and Custom, etc. Some of them even had the magazine name stamped on the back. They are pictures of not just the outside of the car, but also the underside, the engine, etc.   Views that car nuts love, but which look pretty useless to the rest of us. Back when we were selling off other parts of his car stuff collections I had suggested he scan these photos and sell prints of them. So he could keep these originals. So...I've got that box and one of these days I will sell them. I know they are worth some money, we made a few bucks off the prints and people were always asking if they could buy our originals. So, that is a project I will set out on, I know some gearheads are going to be very happy. Maybe they will cherish these things, call them "Dave's car stuff".

Another of his passions was radio stuff. Walkie talkie, cb, ham radio, other stuff I don't know. I have things he bought and I have no idea what they are, how much they are worth, but I will sell them too. A model ship he hadn't built yet, still in the box. He was waiting to have enough money to buy a radio controlled motor for it. So, I'll be selling that. Its a model not made any more, that company only sells radio controlled car stuff now, no more boats.

Jewelry he had. Cufflinks from when he had to wear 3 piece suits to work, along with the tie tacks. Most of those had been sold in years past, but I found a box with what must have been some favorites. He had some rings, one with pot leaves on it. Looks like gold to me. Some old watches, some still run, these are the windup ones, the quartz ones probably still run too, just need batteries.   Some I will sell, some I will give to my kids and the grandkids.

All the furniture is gone, the hospital bed, the hoyer lift, the hospital bedside table, the shower chair, the manual chair, the special desk with legs that were adjustable so his wheelchair could fit under. The reachers, the blood pressure cuff..all of it donated. My mom wanted me to sell this stuff, but it felt like blood money to me.

David would have wanted someone in need to get this stuff. We knew how hard it was for someone on a fixed income to come up with the co-pays for this stuff, or to have to buy it outright. There are needy people out there and I know we would have appreciated having this stuff donated to us when we struggled to find the money for things he NEEDED. Not wanted, but NEEDED. So all of that stuff I donated.

The home health nurse who came over with a big truck said her patients would be so grateful. They could not afford the co-pay of $2000 to get a $10,000 power wheelchair or have the money to shell out for a hoyer lift or a hospital bed. All stuff David had to have and we paid for out of our pockets. Maybe the guy getting the power wheelchair will call it "Dave's chair". I know he will be happy to have it, it will mean new freedom to him, a bit of independence for someone who cannot manually wheel himself around anymore, who has to be pushed everywhere. I remember when David got his first power chair, how he felt independent, how he could go to the store on his own. How he "picked up" our grand daughter from school. Things he could not do in his manual chair any more. Some other person will get that manual chair that we hung onto just in case we went somewhere that a power wheelchair could not get into, someplace not in ADA compliance.   Even a manual wheelchair costs a couple of grand. The cushion on his power chair was special, made of gel so he wouldn't get pressure sores, that cushion was over $500. The home health nurse was so grateful for that, said she has a man who really needs that cushion. All of it, she thanked me and thanked me. We both cried. She tried to give me a little money but I didn't want it, I knew David was seeing all of his things going to someone in need and he was smiling, happy to help.
Today, Sunday, we are having a memorial for him at his favorite beach. This place has sidewalks going through the park, so he could get around. We will throw leis into the surf, say goodbye. My daughter asked me if I knew what I was going to say...I don't know, it will come to me. My grand daughter, U'i, informed us that she has prepared a speech. I'm sure it will be a doozie. She has been writing about her Papa for the past two weeks.   Just 7, but already so eloquent, I've cried when reading everything she has written.   After the memorial....what are we left with? Just memories. My heart is sad, but I'm so fortunate to have had over 12 years with this man. I miss him so much already and cannot imagine never hearing him call out...."Sweets....." again.

"Nana, you can't watch Toy Story 3"

2010-11-08T11:18:00.001-10:00

"Toy story 3 is a very bad movie", U'ilani informed us.
"Ok, U'i why is Toy Story 3 a bad movie?" I replied. "They say swear words in it", U'i answered. Rachel and I looked at each in confusion. What kind of swear words would be in a movie rated G.
I was curious, I had to know. "U'i what swear words did they say in that movie?".
U'i whispered her answer, "They said the "a" word."

Now I was really confused...."The "A" word?".
"Yeah, they said A blank cot."
Rachel and I were still confounded...a cot.....omg....ascot!

We are still laughing. Good to know our 7 year old is protecting the world from horrible swear words!

RIP David

2010-11-06T10:43:00.001-10:00

We jokingly called him Hell on Wheels. I miss him so much already.
Love you always, Sweetie.
The following is what someone at the Army museum where David volunteered wrote....thank you, Fran:

David Baumgardner was formally designated a US Army Volunteer on February 3, 2010. His official duty was security officer. This is the first time a volunteer had been assigned the duty as a security officer. The results were outstanding, and best of all, David enjoyed doing it. Expertly cruising along in his motorized wheelchair, he was often seen patrolling the museum to keep an eye on things. He counted the weapons on display, and kept a watchful eye on anyone who he felt looked suspicious. On several occasions he had to tell kids to be mindful of where they were and to keep their voices low. He was so vigilant he was even able to hear coughing of the occasional ghost reputed to haunt the dark halls and crannies of Battery Randolph. He could reproduce that cough very well, as those of volunteers who also heard it can testify.

David was born in Los Gatos, California on December 27, 1941. As a small child in the mid 1940’s, he contracted polio which confined him to a wheelchair for the remainder of his life. This did not stop him from having a full life in the workforce. After spending many years in California and Atlanta, Georgia, David retired as a Genzyme Medical manager and moved with his wife, Cat, to Hawaii to be near his grandchildren. All of us were inspired by his optimistic and humorous outlook on life, and not least, his smiling face—something which no doubt contributed to his looking much younger than 68! David was especially fond of cats. He owned many over the years, and was often regaling the other volunteers with stories about them. David passed away on October 26, 2010.

David, when we hear more unexplained coughing in the museum, we will have to wonder…

He didn't read the fine print.......

2010-11-04T14:48:00.002-10:00

More bad news today. There is no life insurance money. David never read the fine print that gave him 120 days to convert his life insurance at work to a personal policy when he retired. He went to his grave thinking he had left me with life insurance and there is none.
Pulling up my bootstraps....starting over from zero....the good news is that I only have to wait 5 1/2 years to be 60 and collect his Social Security. I will get more from that than he did as I get to collect on my first husband's SS too, since we were married more than 10 years. Meanwhile, I've got that whopping $255 check for funeral expenses coming from SS.
Remembering Uncle Chuck's words...."What happens in life can make you either bitter or better." I'm going to opt for the better, gotta keep reminding myself. I did hit the "anger" stage of the grieving process today, I will admit.

Walking through quicksand

2010-11-01T20:40:00.002-10:00

Tomorrow will be a week. Tomorrow David's body is cremated. Today I started to sort through his things. Giving some things away, tossing out other things. Keeping a few cherished items. I'm not done, but I got a good start.
I feel as though I can barely lift one foot in front of the other. The nights are the worst. It is so quiet. Too quiet. I turned off the satellite tv. I never watched it anyway, but the sound was always there at night, as David loved his tv. All those cops shows, and the car shows. History channel. Stuff I would never pick to watch. But I heard it. And he was always saying, "Sweets, did you see that?" Of course I hadn't seen whatever it was, because I was on the computer or reading a book or doing some project. But I was there in the room with him and the tv. Now it is quiet. Soooo quiet. I could put music on, but every bit of music we own, David picked out. What I have listened to is worse than the quiet. Too many memories wrapped around each song. I'm selling the tv. I didn't watch tv most of my life, didn't even own one for at least 5 years before I met David.
Meanwhile, I try to slog thru the quicksand. In the quiet. I never knew how much this hurt for other people. I've never lost someone that I saw every day. Sure, friends and relatives have died....but those were distant deaths, I didn't live close to those people, I didn't see them, smell them, hear them every day. I haven't worked for 10 years. Spent a few years on the road with David, in our motorhome, going across the US. Then he had back surgery 4 years ago. Since then I have been with him.....24/7.....365 days a year. But I wasn't there when he fell forward and couldn't get up and suffocated. I wasn't there.

Stuck Part 2

2010-10-30T22:02:00.002-10:00

After getting out of the iron lung, plus many months ( actually years) in rehabilation, little David learned to walk with braces and crutches. He had steel and leather braces that went all the way up his body to just under his armpits. He could only use these contraptions for a few hours a day, as they were very heavy and cumbersome, especially for a little child. David spent the rest of his days in a wheelchair. He wasn't able to go to a public school until he was in 7th grade. Numerous hospitalizations, surgeries and extensive therapy, caused him to be stuck at home or in the hospital with various tutors. Finally the day came when he was allowed to go to school. The school board had wanted him to go to a special school, one that catered to children with developmental disabilites, mainly mental retardation. David's mom fought for him to be mainstreamed into a regular school. She had to prove he was up to grade level in all subjects and basically that there was nothing wrong with his brain, just with his body. David always spoke highly of his mother, declaring she was his hero and champion, that she had made him feel that he could overcome anything and that he deserved to be treated like anyone else.

Upon entering school, David faced many challenges. Wearing his braces became more trouble than they were worth. To go to the bathroom required assistance from a couple of people to remove the braces which were not just covering his legs but his lower torso. Often he would fall and getting him up entailed finding help from several people. At age 12 David chose to live the remainder of his life in a wheelchair as it actually gave him more mobility and independence than the braces. At first David's parents fought him on this decision but after conferring with his doctors, his teachers and friends, they saw the wisdom of his decision. His legs would never develop muscles, he would never be able to stand, or walk without the extensive braces, which were getting heavier with each growth spurt in order to support his weight. David moved on from being stuck in the braces, to being permanently stuck in a wheelchair.

Life in the wheelchair did not slow my husband down. He was very popular in Jr. High and High School. An excellent student, a reporter for the school newspaper, an artist, the ultimate gearhead and an all around nice guy. When the March of Dimes asked him to give a speech at his school to help raise funds for polio research, David gave such a moving speech that his small school in Los Gatos, California became famous for the amount of money raised from one student body. The kids emptied their pockets of their allowances, their lunch money and organized fundraisers. That school raised more money per capital than any other school in America.....all due to the words from the heart of a guy stuck in a wheelchair.

To be continued..............

Stuck

2010-10-29T10:25:00.003-10:00

Do you know what it is like to really be stuck? Helpless, unable to get yourself out of a place or a situation ? I want to write a book about my husband and I'm going to title it Stuck....because that word sums up so much of his life. Not always in a bad way, sometimes it was good, but often it was difficult and ultimately it was the cause of his death. I hadn't looked at David's perspective of life from that point of view of being stuck until I told my son about the way David died.

Jason (also known as Boddhi) had a close bond with Da. That is what my kids called David...Da, sort of a cross between Dad and David. David was their step-father, my second husband. He never had any children of his own and was thrilled to have a ready made family. He was there for the births of our first two grandchildren and truly felt that he was their Papa.

Anyway, back to being stuck. David had polio as a child. He was not quite 5 when he contracted polio, it affected him from head to toe. David spent an entire year in an iron lung. He was stuck in that contraption and was only allowed to view his parents through a window. At that time polio was considered very contagious and anyone with polio was put in quarantine. The only people allowed to touch a polio victim was a nurse or doctor. They would change their clothes and scrub themselves before leaving the room. And a little 5 year old kid would just gaze at them from a machine that breathed for him. I can't even imagine the terror and loneliness that must have been for that little boy. But David survived. Eventually he was able to breathe on his own. All the therapy that he received had gone to his upper body, to enable him to breathe, to use his arms. After a year, his little legs were atrophied beyond help. He would never stand or walk on his again.
To be continued...............

We met face to face 12 years ago today

2010-10-28T07:54:00.002-10:00

I stepped off the plane in Atlanta, my heart racing, finally I would have a face to go with that voice. I scanned the crowd, looking for the yellow and black power wheelchair. Nope, I couldn't see him. I thought to myself that maybe he was stuck in traffic. So I took a seat and waited, and waited, and waited. This was in the time before everyone carried a cell phone. I tried calling his house from the payphone. There was no answer. I knew he said he would meet me at the gate but I had already waited an hour. Where could he be?

Maybe he meant for me to meet him at baggage? The Heartsfield Airport is huge, you have to get to baggage by catching a train. I got on, and made my way to baggage, picked up my two huge suitcases containing the contents of my life. Ok, this was totally crazy, I admit that. I was here in Atlanta, shutting a door on my past, to be with someone I had met over the internet and where was he? I didn't know a soul in Atlanta. I had no money to speak of, David had sent me a plane ticket. One way. What the heck HAD I BEEN THINKING? My mind racing....was he in an accident? Had he somehow changed his mind? Oh my god.......

I decided to go outside, wait near the street. Maybe I could see his van circling the airport. That new/used van he had told me about getting just YESTERDAY. I had seen the pictures of it on my computer. Dark blue, raised roof, wheelchair lift and they had outfitted it so he could drive from his wheelchair, without having to transfer to a driver's seat. I sat outside....looking, looking. Trying to breathe slowly, not panic. It was past two hours since I landed....suddenly I looked up. There he was! A huge smile on that beautiful face....a bouqet of yellow roses in his hands.....those incredible brown eyes with a twinkle in them, his wheelchair racing towards me. His apologies, explanations....how he had been trapped in the lockdown for the wheelchair in that new van...somehow they had wired it incorrectly and the manual release was something he could not reach. How finally he had been able to stop some old man walking to his car in the handicapped parking area. How he had arrived almost two hours early, had been trapped in that van for 4 hours, trying to find a way to get out. Worried sick about me getting off the plane and not finding him there.

Hugs, kisses, caressing each other's faces.......we had fallen in love in a chat room, on the phone, in our snail mail and email, we had waited, planned for 8 months...and at last......

The face to go with that incredible radio announcer voice. At last. I've never looked back,.... we were meant for each other and have been together for these past 12 years.....today I go to the mortuary to make arrangements for his cremation.

My Husband David died today

2010-10-26T23:04:00.002-10:00

David died today. I went out for a couple of hours and when I came home I found him in his wheelchair leaning forward, like he fell. When I pulled him up straight his face was black, his skin was cold and he was not breathing and had no pulse. Whatever happened, it was quick. I think he might have dropped his phone and tried to pick it up with his reacher and maybe fell forward too far. He would have been on the floor if he had not had a seat belt on. I know he could not have pulled himself upright, he was not strong enough to do that. I'm sad that he died alone, though we were only gone for a couple of hours. I'm in shock. David was 68 years old.

Song and poem from the mind of a 7 year old

2010-10-19T18:32:00.003-10:00

U'iLani is my grand daughter, she is 7. She has been writing songs and poetry since she was 2, before she could even read. Here are a couple of things she wrote this week. Spelling is hers. All ideas are from her little mind, she just writes them on her own, usually when she is supposed to be sleeping.
Hollows Eve
1. Hollows Eve is when the kids come out and the vampiors.
2. Hollows Eve is inpotent. The Hollows are swaying in the wind.
3. The ravans are cawing and so are the crows.
4. HOLLOWS EVE!

Chamber of Love
He's sitting arownd doing nothing and I asked baby is there something rong? with you
He ses no, I say back to him are you in the Chamber of love? with someone else
he ses no, no I am not
I say to him do you know even know what is the Chamber of love?
And he ses no.
I say back to him well it is a prosses.
First you have to go meet someone then go on a date affter that you go though the Chamber of love then you merry! And it will be a hapily ever affter. And that is the Chamber of love.
Chamber, chamber, chamber baby, chamber of love!
Just like I am in the Chamber of love with you and your in the chamber of love with me! And he says if your in the chamber of love like us were going to get merred? And I said yes! And were never going to get devorsed are we? And he says no. Chamber of love, chamber of love, chamber of love!

Crazy kids

2010-08-19T09:48:00.005-10:00

My dad was in the military and we were lucky enough to get to travel. We spent 6 years in Naples, Italy and upon returning to the USA, we lived in several different places.

One family tradition (I can call it a tradition if I want to) was that every time my dad had any time off from work, we would pack up the car and off we would go. Now, there were five kids and one of the cool things my parents always did, was that any trip we took, one of us kids would get to bring a friend along. We took turns doing this, and between your last turn and your next turn, it was so much fun deciding which lucky friend would get to go along.

These trips were not just your average ride to a park. We would go camping and fishing and visiting some New place. My parents are both gypsies at heart and thanks to all our many, many trips, the five of us kids are gypsies too. We always had a station wagon and we would pack it up and take off. First we had tents but later we upgraded to having a pop-up tent camper that we towed along. Much later we upgraded to a motorhome. My parents got to sleep in the motorhome and we kids would set up our tents.

I realize now how fortunate I am that my parents loved traveling. As a kid, living in Italy, I saw most of Europe, except the countries behind the Iron Curtain. My dad's military clearance prevented him and our family from going in those areas. We went to castles, museums, parks, art galleries, and on and on. If you watch a movie showing some scene in Europe, whether it is Italy, Germany, France, Spain, Austria, etc, etc. I've probably been there and seen that in person. I've been the Vactican, seen the Statue of David, rode a gondola thru King Leopold's Blue Grotto in his Palace, seen the Louvre, strolled the sands of beaches in Spain, toured the camps in Dachau, hiked in the Alps in Switzerland, skiied on Zuitspikke in Bavaria, and countless other trips. Upon returning to America, we spent my dad's time off camping in nearly every national park, state park, county park and even private parks and we visited all of the lower 48 states. I've now seen every state except Alaska and visited several foreign countries including traveling extensively in both Canada and Mexico. I am soooo lucky.

We kids were good travelers. We knew that my dad would pull over on the side of the road and we would get it (more threats than actual spankings but enough spankings to make us fear the threat) so we rarely fought. Instead we played games. One of our favorite games was something we made up that we called Forfeit.

Now, I know this game is alot like other games, but we kids thought it our own personal invention. The person who is IT, gets to think of a question. Any real question, and whoever is picked to answer the question must do so within 2 minutes (dutifully timed). If they fail to answer or have the wrong answer, they have a Forfeit.

The IT person picks the Forfeit. It can be anything as long as someone doesn't get hurt. Forfeit earned me my first tongue kiss, with my brother Steve's best friend Jay. Forfeit earned my brother John a toe licked clean by my littlest sister Jeanette. Forfeit earned my sister Rebecca many games that she was required to play without quitting. Rebecca was never one to want to play a game for very long, so she would usually quit just when we were most involved. Forfeit earned my Brother Steve many hours of being someone's personal slave. Forfeiet earned my friend Patty the pleasure of being tickled half out of her mind. Forfeit earned us all many fart smellings, snacks being given to others, homework help, chores being turned over to someone else, and a really good use of our imaginations to find the perfect devious Forfeit. I can't even recall how many times we played this game, but I remember hours and hours of car travel time melting away as we wracked our brains for questions and consequences. The hardest part of the game was to become the person who was IT. This was accomplished only by being able to answer a question correctly. We had to actually draw cards, high card wins to be the one who was IT first. Sometimes one person was IT for hours so later we had to institute a new rule that you could only be IT for a total of 5 questions, then IT would be the person who had picked the next highest card.

I can remember clearly the Forfeits, but I can hardly recall the questions. I know sometimes they were ridiculous, like how could I know what my brother John's fifth period teacher's name was? Or what an oscilliscope was for? Or who my sister Jeanette had punched in the arm at recess last week? We did learn many interesting facts that later came in handy when playing Trivial pursuit, so that was a great bonus to Forfeit. PLUS all the gossipy things, like who was the first girl my brother Steve had mooned, or how much Rebecca's friend Andrea's father made, or who had dared my sister Jeanette to eat ants (which she DID!).

One memorable Forfeit game ended up actually giving our family a new tradition. It was near winter time. We lived in Colorado at the time and we were on the way home from visiting my Grandmother who lived in New York. My parents often let us miss school for up to two weeks at a time for our family trips. We had to take along our school work and a favorite Forfeit was having someone do your homework for you.

This was one of those trips, not an actual school break, but a break for us. I think it was at the end of October or the beginning of November. We were nearly home and it began to snow as we were playing our Forfeit game. My brother John was IT. He asked some question, I don't remember what it was. This was a GROUP question, a refinement to our game where the whole group was asked something and if no one could answer the whole group got the Forfeit. Sure enough, none of us could answer whatever question John threw out there. We awaited our Forfeit with dread, hoping we would not have to sniff his armpit or spit shine his shoes or have to re-cover his school books with brown paper bags, or clean his room.

John was inspired by the snowfall. He declared that upon arriving at home, we would have to take off our socks and shoes and run to the top of the hill in our back yard. BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW! The yard was about 1/2 acre and we had to run to the top of the hill and back down in that snow.

We loved it! It became a family tradition for us kids to do that on the first snowfall every year. When my parents went back to Europe after I got married, I rented the house from them. My own children carried on the BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW tradition! They also learned to play Forfeit.

The last time all 5 of us kids were together at my parent's house, it was Christmas time. We 5 and my 3 kids and my brother John's daughter and my brother Steve's son all ran up the hill BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW. We also played a few rounds of Forfeit! I'm ready to teach my grandkids our crazy Forfeit game and I can't wait for the next family reunion at my parent's house so we can go BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW!

Stirring up the memory fires!

2010-08-06T10:35:00.006-10:00

Ok! I know it is time to write when everything I read brings to mind something from my past that no one knows about other than myself and maybe my family.
So, here goes, a few memories of my own. Will add other installments when I have some free time.

Cooking.....my Grandmother was a great cook. She loved to make all of our favorite goodies whenever we would visit her, which was not often enough. Gram lived in a tiny little house that my Grandfather built, right on the banks of the Delaware River. That tiny house had an even tinier kitchen, and Gram had ALOT of stuff in there. When we would come to see her, the top of the refrigerator would be PILED up with all kinds of baked goodies. My dad's favorite red velvet cake, my mom's favorite cheesecake, my favorite Boston cream pie, my two brothers' favorite desserts and my two sisters' favorites too. The refrigerator itself was stuffed with so much food, all of it yummy and things my own Mom never made for us. Don't get me wrong, my mother is a great cook, but GRAM, she was in a class all by herself. Everything was homemade, everything was a work of art and Gram always remembered what each of us liked. I think she must have taken notes or something, because we could count on what we loved being there when we came to visit. We never lived near Gram, always at least a couple of states away, and sometimes years would go by between visits but when we came, she was ready for us.

One year, my parents, my 3 kids and I went to see Gram. We were on a road trip from Colorado to New York state in an rv. Now, this itself might sound like a nightmare, 3 generations in a tiny motorhome going across country, but it was actually wonderful and one of my fondest memories. My kids were 10, 11 and 12 years old. It was not the first time they had ever been to my Gram's house, but they had gone as little children on the previous visits so this was probably the first time they actually were aware of how tiny Gram's house was. Sure enough, when we arrived, there was all that FOOD.
Two days after our arrival was the small town of Narrowsburg, New York's annual 4th of July carnival, parade and festivities. This holiday is the biggest one of the year for my Gram's tiny town. There were bake sales and picnics to attend and participate in, so we got busy making even MORE FOOD. My Grandmother's kitchen began to feel even smaller. I think it was probably the size of your average bathroom. I'm not kidding. There was the kitchen sink, with about enough counter space on one side to hold a dish rack for drying dishes, then the refrigerator, a corner, then a doorway leading to the hallway, on the other side of the doorway was a tiny, tiny stand alone counter/cupboard and Gram's little stove, the apartment size kind not a big stove. Then a corner and along the wall across from the sink was a little tiny table. Usually only two people could sit at this table, and you had to pull it away from the corner to even have two people sit. Then from that corner was the door to the screen porch/mudroom and the back door. When people were sitting at the table if someone walked from the back door to the hallway doorway, you either got a butt shoved up against the sink and refrigerator and the front of you smashed against the back of someone's chair or whoever was at the table had to stand up and move out of the kitchen to let you pass. Gram kept all her dishes and appliances in the screen porch or down in the cellar because the kitchen didn't have any room. The little counter near the stove was moveable, but generally didn't move. It was full of Gram's various vitamins, pills and spices. There was no room to really hold anything else, except maybe the toaster or blender when in use. The rest of the time those appliances where kept in the screen porch. So, if you have a picture in your mind of this tiny space, you can maybe appreciate what a feat it was to even cook in that kitchen, let alone make such wonderful creations. Add to this, my Gram was not a little person. Well, she was little, as in short, but she was probably as wide as she was tall. For some reason, whenever anyone came over, they always sat in her kitchen at that tiny table. Sometimes with even 4 people, which meant you really could not move unless everyone stood up and the drop leaf was dropped, and the chairs were moved. Why all the adults hung out there instead of Gram's huge living room with windows that looked out on the river and nice chairs and couches with room to stretch is beyond my imagination.
Ok, back to making all this FOOD. Two days after the 4th of July we were due to proceed on our RV trip up to Niagra Falls and across Canada and back to Colorado. We had been to several picnics and family gatherings and of course the annual 4th of July Carnival. Each place we went to, we brought food, and we also ate food, and for some reason we seemed to bring food back with us to Gram's. But one thing we had not gotten to eat was Gram's famous cheesecake. Gram had made a couple, took one to the bake sale that raised funds for the volunteer Fire Department and the other one went with us to Aunt June and Uncle Sal's house for a huge feast. By the time we got to the dessert table, there was not a crumb left of Gram's cheesecake. This was just not cool. Gram told us she would make one for our trip. She sent Aunt June and me out in search of some cream cheese, as Gram only had one block left and her cheesecake requires two packages of philadelphia cream cheese. Gram had all the other ingredients. So Aunt June and I went to the local store. The day after 4th of July, there was no cream cheese left, and there would not be more for a few days when the next shipment of groceries came in. We hit every store in town (2, this a tiny town) and had to proceed to the next town in our search for cream cheese. Well, after traveling 30 MILES from Gram's house, we finally found some cream cheese. Aunt June was only going to buy one package but I suggested she go ahead and get two, who knew when there would be more cream cheese since there seemed to be such a huge shortage. After all, Aunt June and I had probably hit 6 or more stores by this time.
We headed back to Gram's with cream cheese in hand and Gram proceeded to show me how she makes her famous cheese cake. She mixes half of each ingredient in her blender, pours it into the spring form pan and then mixes the other half and adds it to the first half. This is because your average blender can't accomodate all of the ingredients at once. I got the honors. Gram and my parents and Aunt June sat at the tiny table, and I climbed over and around everyone and filled the blender. Gram reached over and turned it on. I hadn't tightened the bottom correctly. Cheese cake stuff flew all over the room. All over the people, all over that tiny counter with the pills and vitamins and all down the side of the stove. I was laughing so hard I couldn't turn the blender off. Gram was swearing like a sailor. It tooks us hours to clean that stuff up. In fact, my mom said if Gram was still here she would probably still be finding bits of cheesecake makings. Gram was determined to still make our cheesecake. By this time it was late at night and we were going to leave the next day, so we weren't going to taste that cheesecake until we were actually on the road. Gram was glad that we had opted to buy an extra cream cheese, as she needed it. Gram whipped up her two blenders full of stuff, baked the cheesecake, and somehow cramed it into the refrigerator. I think by the time we set off the next day, she was probably glad to get us out of her hair. At least it seemed that way.
At lunch time we pulled over on the side of the road, to eat some of the great stuff Gram had sent with us, potato salad, macaroni salad, all kinds of stuff. Finally it was time to eat that cheese cake. My mom and I each took a forkfull. I can't remember if we actually spit it out or what, but I do remember it was AWFUL. I still don't know what ingredient Gram left out. I think it was only left out in one of the two batches. Probably sugar, I really don't know, I just know that was her worst cheesecake ever. My mom and I didn't finish our pieces, but my dad and my kids ate every bit of what Gram had made. They seemed not to notice the missing ingredient. We never told Gram.

They grow up TOO fast

2010-07-15T13:32:00.002-10:00

Eating birthday cake with Daddy. Happy 3rd Birthday Micah! Cousins and a friend making sand angels!

Is that a monkey in that tree?

U'iLani, 7, reading a book to her cousin Micah, 3.

Micah and U'i up in the loft bed over the stage!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

2010-07-13T17:52:00.003-10:00

Not sure why that phrase keeps going through my mind....but it is true! I've had that thought often and the other night I had a dream that has stuck with me too. In this dream I realized that unless I live to be older than 108, I've already lived more than half my life. Now, this is true too, but I realized it in my dream.

Maybe after a certain age, most people start thinking this way, but for myself, this is a first. I'm not sure why I never thought this way, I've been around death, people dying and even faced close encounters with death. I've thought often about other people dying...my parents, my son, various relatives, even some of my friends. My own death has not registered with me until now.

I even went so far as to tell David that if something should happen to me, I want a do not resusitate order. I don't want to be hooked up to machines and drain my life and a ton of money away. I just want to die when it is time, don't prolong it. I'm ready. I know where I'm going after this life. I know my family, my friends all have been told that I love them, that I appreciate them. I do need to clean the closets, I don't want anyone else to have to go through that crap, but all in all, I'm ready. I won't be leaving much behind, just some memories, I've got nothing material to leave.

All this thinking about death has made me wonder if I will be missed, if I ever touched anyone to make a lasting imprint.

I've also thought about people like Grandma Moses. She was much older than I am when she found her niche. My own Great Grandma learned to crotchet when she was 80, for the next 16 years she crotched like a possessed person. We all have afghans, pillow cases, toilet paper roll covers, etc, made by my Great Grandma. I think of her every time I see those things she made.

I have other things people made for me that cause me to think of them. Objects my children made. Gifts friends made. Pictures. Even sayings, phrases that stick with me, that made a difference. Some songs, some poems, some books and some stories that people I know wrote or sang or shared with me.

Today I heard from someone that sat behind me in grade school. His name is Herb. He found me on facebook and wrote to me. It was strange because last week I found a drawing he had given me, I think it was in 5th grade, though I first met him in 3rd grade. This drawing was a caricature of me. If my friends saw it today, they would still know it is me. It shows my big smile, the one I hate because my gums show and my teeth look big and my eyes are so crinkled up that you can barely see them. That is my real smile, the one I make when I am laughing out loud, the one I make when I'm not thinking about anyone looking.

Anyway, back to Herb, he wrote me today and this is how he titled his post
.....I'm not pulling your hair anymore.....
I didn't even have to see the name, I knew who wrote that! Herb went on to write that he had been on an online reunion with some people from Jefferson Elementary School. He had written a contribution about me! He then cut and pasted his contribution and sent it to me. It told how this girl, Kathy, sat in front of him and how I had long blonde hair that draped all over his desk. This is true, as my hair was long enough to sit on. I used to comb it all around my head and put little wire rimmed glasses on and I looked just like Cousin It from the Adams family!
Back to Herb. He reiterated how he used to pull one strand of hair out of my head at a time, trying to get my attention. Apparently my hair just fell out and the only time he could get my attention was if he pulled a handful of hair out at a time. He said that I was always nice to him, even when he was being a pest.

Little does Herb know, I had a crush on him. He was kind of a "bad" boy. The kind of kid who grew up to be a biker. The kind of kid who wore his hair long even when we had a dress code. Who never seemed to have his shirt tucked in, even when the dress code said that boys were not allowed to show the tails of their shirts. I do know he was (and still is) one of the smartest, most talented people I ever met. I have thought of him often over the years, wondering what happened to him.
I remember one time Herb made this little shrunken head, I think from an apple. It was adorned with hair that he pulled out of my head! It looked realistic, like an actual shrunken head!

I also recall the time that I went up to the front of the class to give a speech. The entire class was laughing at me. I had no idea why, as I hadn't even started to talk. Someone pointed to an area behind me. I turned around and saw that Herb had tied several strands of my hair end to end, and attached it to my head, and on the very end was a ball of maybe silly putty or maybe chewing gum or something like that. When I was walking that little ball was bouncing along behind me. It was funny, I even was able to laugh about it at the time.

I'm glad that Herb wrote to me today, I think that email might just have been my highlight of the week!

Ok, while hubby is "busy on the bedpan" I'm gonna blog...hehe

2010-05-05T09:46:00.004-10:00

Its been awhile since I actually sat down and wrote anything. The past months have been busy, busy and this past week we've been sick at our house. The dreaded flu, the kind where you sit on the toilet and stuff is coming out both ends so you have to hold a bucket to puke in at the same time. YUCKKK!
I've recently re-opened my ebay store after a two year hiatus. I have a ton of stuff to sell and am going to be listing stuff daily. If you want to check it out, remember it is in the construction stage. http://stores.ebay.com/808-deals YAYE!
News on the homefront: Boddhi turned 35 on Monday, May 3! My baby boy. He is living in Convington, KY and his daughter Maya will be joining him on May 20 for at least the summer if not permanently. YAYE!
Jeremy and Hannah and Micah will be arriving in Hawaii on May 25th for a month long stay. YAYE! Can't wait to see number 1 son and wife and only (so far) grandson! YAYE!
Rachel is doing well, but looking for another job. If you are interested in hiring her she has an MBA. Meanwhile, she goes to work every day at a job site that she hates. I feel for her but am glad that at least she HAS a job as her employer just laid off hundreds if not thousands of people. She was lucky not to be included in that number. YAYE!
U'iLani, the grand daughter who lives next door, will turn 7 on the 7th of this month! YAYE! Where has the time gone, she is growing way TOO fast! Heck she is almost as tall as I am already. As always she continues to amaze us with her many talents. She is a blue belt in Karate now, she did miss a huge karate meet on Sunday due to puking her guts out all Saturday night. That was a disappointment for her as it was to be her debut in team kata, which was the debut of her dojo's first team also. So sad she missed that as she worked so hard for that event. Oh, well, there is always next time. Meanwhile, she is still excelling in school, now reading at 5th grade level in the first grade! YAYE!!!
David...the hubby...is doing well. He now volunteers 3 days a week at the army museum here in Honolulu at Fort DeRussey. YAYE! He is meeting tons of old farts who are now on his emailing list and all of them are busy sending out jokes to each other. Actually this new outlet has been a literal life saver for David, it is the first time in years that he has not been wallowing in depression, but has a new lease on life. DOUBLE YAYE!! I'm so happy that he is doing this. Who would have thought that someone in a wheelchair, with multiple health problems could be volunteer security to a museum! YAYE. Fun to hear him come home and tell us how he met Colonel so and so or General so and so and now they are on his email list! Plus all the tourist visitors he has met from all over the world. Several have sent him police and firemen patches and other memorabilia after finding out that he collects these things. Very cool. YAYE!!!
Now, about me. I've been paddling with the outrigger canoe club. Usually 2 or 3 times a week. It is way fun. But hard! I'm sore...but happy. Meeting new friends and getting out on the water. YAYE! I've also been discovering old friends thru facebook! Even finding family members that I had lost track of! YAYE. Last week when Uncle Chuck passed away, my mom found 2 cousins that she had not talked to in over 50 years. I talked to friends I had not talked to in 20+ years. Yesterday I found 2 other cousins that our family had lost track of over the years. These two cousins didn't even know about the 5 kids my parents had, they only knew that somewhere they had an Uncle Jack they had never met. I am actually the only one in the family who had ever met these two, I saw them once when I was 15 and they were 5 and 2. Anyway, due to facebook and the internet, our family is slowly getting reconnected. YAYE!!!
Today, I talked to an ebay blogger friend that I've "known" for over 3 years. This was our first phone conversation. YAYE! The fact that we had never talked was my fault, she gave me her number years ago. I've just never been one to like talking on the phone. This past year I've changed that. I decided that I should overcome my phone phobia and TALK to people, get that real connection..if not in person, at least over the phone. It was cool to hear her voice. To hear her kids in the background. To feel connected even more than I have. YAYE!
Ok, the bedpan is ready to be emptied and I have actually had time to blog. YAYE!!!

My heart is sad today, Rest in Peace, Uncle Chuck

2010-04-25T14:39:00.002-10:00

Last night a great man went home to be with Jesus. Uncle Chuck touched my life as few have ever done. He battled Parkinson's disease for over 2o years, and the past year it was particulary hard, he went into a nursing home. My tears are not for him, he is in a much better place, my tears are for me and for the people he left behind. I'm thankful for the time we had with him.

I wonder if this means I need to put on makeup???

2010-03-17T09:31:00.001-10:00

David (hubby) gets a new eye tomorrow. Ok, he gets a cataract removed, but it is like a new eye because he can see NOTHING out of that eye. Do I have to start combing my hair and putting on makeup? Do I have to wear something besides jammies now? I was thinking this was a good thing, but now I'm wondering............................

GOOD NEWS today!!!!

2010-03-03T12:15:00.000-10:00

Today my husband received approval to have FREE cataract surgery! This is great because he has been blind in one eye for over 5 years. He only has Medicare insurance and what our co-pay was for that surgery was more than we have been able to afford. We recently were told about a group of doctors that does needed eye surgery for free for qualifying patients. They only do this once a year and today was the first day they were seeing people to figure out who would be getting their free services. So, we left early this morning, saw a total of 4 different eye doctors, got everything checked including ultra sound on his eyes and now David has an appointment on March 18th for this surgery.

Last week he got a special coupon from the Gerentology Center for wheelchair repairs. This is enabling him to get new batteries, tires and arm rests for his chair which would have cost us about $1200 and we are getting this FREE.

Some of you may know Shartey / Nigel (from ebay blogs) and may remember her writing about praying a certain kind of prayer. I started doing this, though I still haven't read that book that tells about it, but essentially the prayer is for the Lord's blessings. I don't pray specific things anymore, just for HIS blessings and I thank Him for blessings He has already given. I have no idea if I am doing this the right way, but ever since I have been doing this, things have been happening. I know that these free services are directly because of those prayers. I know that the Lord will continue to pour His blessings upon my family and that our needs will be met. Anyway, I'm excited to see what comes next and how the Lord will choose to bless us!

Preparing for disaster

2010-02-27T05:51:00.000-10:00

Beautiful sunny day here in Hawaii. We are waiting for a possible tsunami in the next half hour to hour, but lasting for several hours after the first waves arrive.

The sirens have been going off since 6am, first every hour, then every half hour, now every 15 minutes. We are not in an evacuation zone so we are just sitting tight at our house. But it is weird. We live on a busy highway, but just 35 minutes ago all major roads were shut down to any traffic except emergency vehicles. So it is quiet until the sirens wail again.

How did we prepare when the first sirens went off? We immediately started baking. And doing laundry. Filling the bathtub after each of us got a hot shower. Loss of electricity on these islands is major, sometimes not getting turned back on for months. We don't know if we will have any electricity soon. They even shut down the waste water stations. Those have been known to be hit and badly. Good thing all our laundry is done. Phones are charged up, and the wheelchair is charged. Gas stations ran out of gas, and stores just closed after having unbelievable lines, selling everything from toilet paper to rice. This happens every time there is an impending disaster here. Luckily our gas tank was filled just yesterday and we have plenty of non-perishable foods.

My sister came over because she lives alone, my daughter and grand daughter live next door and I'm getting ready to go over there and play games. We do this when we have disasters. Families draw close. On our news they are showing entire neighbor hoods gathered at high ground, having what looks like a tail gate party, the grills are going, everyone is sitting on their beach chairs. All the beaches are closed, the police will not let anyone get near the water. Its like a party, but with stress, since we have seen disasters here in paradise and they aren't pretty. Hurricane Iniki wiped out the island of Kauai, there was not a single tree with leaves left on it after winds of 270 mph. There was no electricity on that island for 3 months, there was no regular phone service for longer than that. You could not buy batteries or flashlights ANYWHERE in Hawaii for months and months. So we prepare. It might come to naught, but we are ready. Our prayers are sent up and now we will play some games and try to relax. Catch you on the flip side, and our hope is that we are not water logged in the next few hours.

Hugs, and waves ~~~~~~~~~~~~ from Hawaii,

Kat

Children---never know what they are going to say

2010-02-11T08:31:00.003-10:00

A few weeks ago my grand daughter U'iLani, got stung by a Portugese Man of War jelly fish. It was very traumatic and she screamed and cried for nearly half an hour. These jelly fish have a long string like tentacle which will wrap itself around you and that is the part that stings. Now this sting HURTS, feels almost like you are getting shocked and where it touches will sting and swell. U'i got the tentacle wrapped around her side and when she tried to brush it off it wrapped around her hand. She was out splashing in the waves and we were sitting on shore watching her when she screamed. Some guy sitting by us jumped up and dove in and brought her back to shore before we even knew what happened. He got stung too. What a hero! Big, good looking Hawaiian guy. He used to be a life guard so he was fast and knew just what had happened. He told us the pitch of the scream is what lets them know that it is a Portugese Man of War sting. I have been stung too, so I know how bad it hurts, but I'm sure it hurts much worse on a little kid.

Ok, that was a couple of weeks ago. Now U'i has determined that she will never swim at that beach again. We have to find another beach for her. This is sad, because Kailua Beach is our favorite. If you saw any news footage of President Obama's Christmas vacation, that is the beach he was at.

Yesterday we were in the car and out of the blue, U'i told us she had an idea for a secret weapon in case anyone tries to steal her. She wants to catch a Portugese Man of War and keep it in a sippy cup. When someone tries to kidnap her, she will open the lid and throw the Portugese Man of War on the bad guy. Or she could make a spear, and wrap a Portugese Man of War on the tip and throw it at any bad guys.

Are you an inspiration for someone?

2010-02-08T11:18:00.002-10:00

I spent the early morning reading some blogs, some facebook enteries and putting the phone numbers of some friends in my cell phone. All of these people have touched my life in some way, and even inspired me to be more creative or to be more productive or to look up old friends and stay in touch better with new friends.
This morning's activities caused me to reflect on the many people who have been an inspiration in my life. It made me realize that even little things we do can be the "touch" some other person needs, that even small gestures can be life changing for someone else.
Barb, I can't even begin to say what you have meant in my life. I love you and I am so happy that I can truly say that I have a bestest friend. You've been with me through thick and thin since 1986, when we met. You and I are like spam and musibi, like popcorn and arare, and da kine....you know what I mean. Luv you more than I can ever say and thank you for EVERYTHING. I can't wait til we see each other again. I miss you so very much.
I want to thank Judy for writing, for posting beautiful pictures, for jogging my memory of days gone by and to remember to cherish and live in the now. She probably has no idea that her blog has done this for me, first on the ebay blogs, then in blogspot and now on facebook. She is a woman that inspires me to do MORE, to work harder and to play with abandon.
Reading Judy's blogs let me know where my friend Joe disappeared to! I met Joe on the ebay blogs too. He was there for me during one of my darkest periods. He would write wonderful blogs, exposing evil, espousing good and making me laugh. He was there PERSONALLY for me, not just for everyone else on the blogs. He would email me and send me packages. I have all the gifts he gave me still, except the edible ones. He encouraged me to believe that things would get better, that God was in control. Thank you Joe. I know I haven't written to you, and that though we don't email, or blog, and it has been awhile since we were in touch, still, I think of you every day. I have postcards and things you sent me right in front of my desk, and every time I see them, I think about how you touched my life. I wonder how you are and how your M is and I miss you.
Thank you Chris, another blog buddy. I feel like I have known you my whole life. I cherish the prayers you send up for me and my family. I look forward to your emails and I love talking to you on the phone. You make me laugh, you make me cry, and I am so honored to have "met" you and that you have shared not just your joys with me but your sorrows. Thank you, Chris.
Thank you, Cindy. I'm so glad you found me on facebook. We hadn't talked to each other in 25 years. I don't know why we lost touch after I moved away, but shame on me. I am so grateful for all the fun we had together. I'm so grateful that my first garden was due to you. I can't wait to call you and just hear your beautiful voice again. I am still in awe that you named your daughter after me. I had no idea.
Thank you Mary. You are another person I lost touch with. I was amazed when I found YOUR daughter on facebook. Now I have your phone number and I will be calling you today, too. How strange to see your daughter, all grown up. It seems like just yesterday that she was a tiny baby and that our kids were so small. I can't wait to hear that infectious laugh.
That brings me to my kids, my siblings and my parents. All of you have made life worth living, have brought me so much joy and love. I look at each of you and am amazed at what wonderful kids, brothers and sisters, and parents I have been blessed with. Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, Mal. I need to reconnect with you too, my nekkid chicken soul sister. I think of you every day too. When I dry my hands on that lovely pink kitchen towel that you crocheted with your own lovely hands, I think of you. I think of you when I feed my free range chickens. Every time I see or hear the word cancer, I think of you and your friend Jo, and I miss you so much. I thank you for all those lovely blogs you wrote just for ME and I can't wait to someday hear the end of the story. I love you.
Jodi, you know I love you. I'll be talking to you soon. You ROCK and you are just the best friend a girl could ever want.
To my NEW friends, if you are reading this, you know who you are, thank you, thank you for being there, for loving me when you have never even met me in person. I love you too. I can't wait for the day that we can hug for real.
To anyone reading this, maybe you remember me writing that we should hug our loved ones, we should tell them how much we love them because we never know what tomorrow will bring. Here's a hug from me. I love you all and I'm so grateful for the inspirations you have made in my life.

WOW

2010-01-19T10:01:00.000-10:00

My parents celebrated their 58th Wedding Anniversary last Friday. Pretty incredible, huh? Someone asked my dad what was his secret to such a long marriage, and Dad said, "You have to get the right woman, and I've already got her and you can't have her."

Hoping there will be many more Mom and Dad. THANKS!!!

What a day, and THANK YOU!

2009-11-30T09:31:00.000-10:00

Today has been interesting. I just got a package in the mail, from RosesTex, and the blogging family with a beautiful soy candle and piece of candy with Chaps store name and a lovely card. Thank you to all. I don't even have Chap's email, so if anyone can help me with that it would be much appreciated.

On facebook today, I got two friend invites from people I had lost contact with over 20 years ago! What a shock. One friend had even named her first daughter after me and that daughter just got married yesterday. I didn't even know about her. WOW.

My dad had cyberknife treatment for his lung cancer. The last treatment was last week. He will get a CAT scan and a PET scan in two months and hopefully that is the last of that cancer. He is feeling tired, and very cold inside, but that is normal with this kind of radiation. The good thing is there is no cutting. It is all done with a fancy laser. I'm so grateful that he was a candidate for this treatment as one oncologist told my mom that my dad would not have survived traditional surgery where they remove a lobe of the lung. He actually told my mother that there was not a doctor he knew who would have performed that surgery on an 81 year old man who had already had cancer and part of a lung removed. So, MANY, MANY, MANY, thanks for your prayers.

Kat

Went to the ebay blogs, and they are gone, but I thought they were there until AFTER Oct. 31

2009-10-30T22:42:00.002-10:00

I just went to the ebay blogs and they are gone already. I didn't get a chance to finish saying goodbye or finish reading my favorite bloggers. The end of a nice era. I'm thankful for the time I had there. The friends I actually made. There were good times and bad, but I have actual friends that I would never have had without the ebay blogs. Lots of good people who have stood by me and laughed and cried with me over good times and sad times. Thanks ebay for what you gave. Sorry that you took them away, but I'm still grateful for what I had.
Kat

Cancer....I HATE that word

2009-10-20T12:29:00.002-10:00

It it time for us to find a real cure. Enough of that cursed word already.
Jason has a bumper sticker that says F_CK CANCER, except it is spelled out. I agree. Right now two of the men most important in my life have that curse. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Not a good day, but trying to find something positive

2009-10-16T08:14:00.000-10:00

My mom just called. My dad has lung cancer. Again. He had lung cancer 15 years ago and lost half of one lung. Now the other lung has cancer. They will operate and remove one lobe of his lung. I'm so scared. He is 81. Other than the other cancer he has always been in good health. He doesn't have a grey hair on his head, he looks like he is about 55-60, everyone thinks my mom is his mother, not his wife. I last saw Dad almost 2 years ago, for some reason at that time I had the feeling it was the last time I would ever see him. This past summer he had a gallbladder operation, at that time they first thought he was having a heart attack, but it wasn't one, it was a gall bladder attack. I was scared then too. It turned out ok. I am just hoping and praying this scare will turn out ok. They found this cancer thru routine tests, not from any symptoms. Please, God, spare my dad again, I'm not ready for him to go home to You.

Death Sentence

2009-10-02T10:39:00.000-10:00

Oct. 2, 2006. Seems like a long time ago in some respects and in other ways it seems like yesterday. That phone call. Jason, my middle child, second son. At the time he was just 31 years old. He had just had a call from the doctor. The doctor wanted him to come in to his office and talk about some test results. Jason said he wasn't going to go in, that the doctor could tell him on the phone. The doctor insisted, but my stubborn son refused and the doctor told him. Jason called to tell me that he had just gotten a death sentence. Glioblastoma multi-forme. He spelled it for me. I didn't know what it was. Jason said it was a tumor, in his brain. Inoperable. The doctor said it had been there awhile, that it was huge. The doctor told Jason that he had somewhere between 6 months and 18 months left to live.

It has been 3 years today. Part of me is still in shock. I still can't write or see that word, glioblastoma multi-forme, without my stomach sinking and my heart aching. I don't know why Jason is still alive. He looks and sounds better today than he has in years. We had many scares. Seizures, blackouts, hallucinations, huge weight loss. The fear that he would just commit suicide to spare anyone from having to care for him. Many, many tears shed by many friends and family. The prayers...from people who told me they are NOT in the habit of praying.

Jason tried a few strange remedies. I had some raw gold, he took one of the nuggets and kept it in his mouth for months. Gold is supposed to have healing properties. There was something about a cure from..... baking soda. I don't know what you do with it, and I don't know if he tried it. I do know that he seems better. He still has horrible headaches. He has some other form of cancer growing on the edges of his ears, something that looks sort of like califlour. He won't get them removed.

Jason thinks any touch of a scapel will cause his tumor to grow out of control. I don't know if he is right, but it is his life, his decision.

He applied to Harvard medical to be in a case study, but after the intial contact, we never heard from them again. Who knows why, maybe it was just not meant to be.

I know I am happy to have this borrowed time. I look at life different. I know that actually ALL time is borrowed time and we can't waste any of it. That doesn't mean to work to death, you CAN sit on a beach and enjoy the sunset and that is not a waste. I know that since that call, I do what I can to make the dreams that I have had come true. That is why I am back in Hawaii. I worked to make that desire come true, before it was too late. Jason travels....alot. He has reconnected to many friends that he had lost touch with. He works, still tattooing, still painting, still calling me late at night with his lastest philosophical thoughts. We laugh, we cry, we remember, but most of all we are thankful. The death sentence hasn't been repealed, but there is a reprieve. I just hope it lasts a long, long time.

If you are one of the prayers, or gave me support or encouragement, I want to thank you. Your virtual hugs, your phone calls, your prayers have meant more to my family than we can ever say. THANK YOU.

Kat

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2009-09-29T17:13:00.002-10:00

Ok, I feel better now. Just arggghhhhhhing about all the new stuff I have to learn. Bonanzle, link referral, google base, the new ebay stuff, multiply.com, facebook, and on and on. I get in these new areas and I am like a blind person, stumbling around, trying to figure out what I am doing. The bad thing is, that I get side-tracked, sucked into things I don't need to be doing....like GAMES, or signing up to get email notifications of blogs that I am not that interested in reading, and I don't exactly know how I signed up for them, but suddenly my email is FILLED with emails for every posting anyone does and I don't know how to stop them! AND, I am getting all these friend requests, from people I don't even know, but they act like they know me! It is weird. How do they know me? Did they read my ebay blogs and just never comment? Or are they neighbors peering thru my open curtains? I am afraid to turn down the friend requests. It might just be someone I was best friends with in some other life. It MIGHT be that lady I lent a $100 to and she suddenly has had an attack of conscience and wants to pay me back, with INTEREST. It could be my sister's best friend's brother's wife's cousin twice removed and she needs a bone marrow donor and somehow she just knows I can help her. Or it could be that person that will let me move up to the next level in Mafia Wars if they sign up as a friend and join my mafia! I don't know, so of course I accept their friendship. Then, I have a gazillion MORE emails, that I haven't got the time to read, but feel really guilty about just deleting. So I save all that email for some day when I have time to open them. No wonder I never get my own blogs written.
Today Hubby and I went to our grand-daughter's school for lunch. It was actually pretty good. Turkey pastrami sandwiches, french fries, salad (with the BEST dressing, I need that receipe), cookies, grape juice and a banana. Her school did a fund raiser the past two weeks, inviting friends and family for lunch with the kids. U'iLani was thrilled that we came, her face lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw us sitting at the guest tables with our trays. We got to go thru the line early and just wait for the kids to come after getting our food. This was my second lunch with her, I went last week too. Her mom took off work on Friday to go too. We got to hear knock knock jokes and talk about what she did at recess........according to U'i, all the kids were robbing her, and ganging up on her and she had to outrun EVERYONE and she won! I still am not sure what that was all about, as I could not hear half of what she said with all the other kids talking around us. It was fun, but very LOUD. It was an almost painless way to raise extra money for books, and computers, etc. as they just charged $4.50 for each adult lunch, we could have spent more than that at McDonald's and not as nutritious.
Well, I'm off to get some dinner ready and watch the sunset. In Hawaii the sun sets around 6:30 - 7:00 pm year round. We usually eat dinner outside and enjoy the onset of dusk. Have a good night! I know I will.
Kat

Ok, trying something new, excuse the mess while I am under construction

2009-09-17T09:05:00.000-10:00

Dad sure scared us this weekend

2009-06-24T17:03:00.002-10:00

Saturday morning, the day before Father's Day, my mom calls me. Ok, that worries me right there, because my mom DOES NOT CALL, her five kids are expected to call her. Now she has a cell phone that my oldest brother bought and pays for. It is on his family plan. This brother is a millionaire. Literally, several times over in fact. But my mom won't use the cell phone because she doesn't want to cost John any money. I am sure the thing is a business write off for him and that he has that plan with unlimited minutes, but mom won't use the phone and she expects all her other not rich kids to use their minutes and money to call her. By the way, mom can afford all this herself but lets just say that when it comes to pinching pennies, Mom is right up there with the best of the penny pinchers.
Ok, back to my story. Mom calls. She is at the emergency room with my Dad. Dad started having severe chest pains. Mom called an ambulance, moved ALL of her knickknacks and furniture out of the way so the paramedics can get in her crowded house and to my dad. Of course, she now has a backache, because my mom doesn't do that kind of stuff. She makes my dad do it or my two sons, who live near her. The paramedics check Dad, give him nitro gyclerin and take him to the hospital with the lights flashing and the siren blaring.
Mom and Dad live on a cul-de-sac, on a two block long street. They have lived in that house since 1966. Nearly every neighbor has lived there at least that long or longer. As soon as the ambulance gets there, 90% of the neighbors arrive. Supposedly to offer my mom a ride to the hospital as she doesn't drive. But actually they are all curious. They know my dad turns 81 in August and he is high on the neighborhood lottery to be the next one to die. This is typical, the whole neighborhood knows your business, whether you want them to or not.
Mom gets a ride to the hospital with a neighbor whose first husband left in an ambulance years ago, with chest pains. He was young. He was a cop. They had a teen age daughter. They had two, but one died the year before with a brain anuerism, she was the first person I ever knew that died. Anyway, the cop never came home. I remember his face being black.
When Mom called she said that my dad's color was bad. She was definitely scared. She said that Dad was already in the operating room getting an angiogram. Mom was freaking out about that, said it is a dangerous test, that it can kill you. She said that she had to sign papers that if they found anything, they could do surgery right then.
So.....that was the day before Father's day. I am left wondering if I will have a Dad on Father's day. I call my kids, the rest of my siblings that mom hasn't called yet, including my sister who lives in Thailand. We wait.
Ok, Mom calls back a couple of hours later. GOOD NEWS. Dad's heart is fine. Perfectly fine. But they don't know what caused the chest pain. The bad color. They don't know why the symptoms responded to nitro glycerin when it was not his heart. So, we wait some more while more tests are run.
Father's Day. I call the hospital. GOOD NEWS. It turns out that Dad has gall stones. Never had a single symptom before that chest pain. They can operate. He will be ok. I talk to Dad. Dad says he had to go to the hospital because it was the only way he could be sure that all of his kids would call him on Father's day. This is Dad's humor, because not one of the 5 kids he has has EVER missed calling him on Father's Day.
Anyway, I am grateful. Dad is still around. He had surgery on Monday. He is fine. Tomorrow he goes home. I'm hoping he will be around next Father's Day too. I'm grateful for every day he is with us because 10 years ago he had lung cancer and lost one lung. Even his doctors do not know he lived thru that one. He spent 3 weeks in intensive care, had to have 27 pints of blood. He had 3 major operations in 12 hours, the lung, a bladder operation because he had blood clots from the lung removal, and then an artery blew in his chest after the bladder operation.
I guess Dad is a survivor. Everytime we think he is down for the count, he rallies. I think he doesn't want to leave my mom alone, he thinks she can't live without him. I suspect he is right. So, for now, Dad didn't lose the neighborhood death lottery.
LOVE you Dad, thanks for beating the odds once again.
Kat, your #1 daughter

School is OUT! Yesterday was the last day for 6 weeks

2009-06-06T10:04:00.002-10:00

Well, it is that time of year again, summer break. U'iLani had her last day of school yesterday. She came home with oodles of awards. Time to brag. My brilliant kindergarten graduate can read, and was the top reader in her class. She had the honor of being able to throw a pie at the principal along with all the other top readers for her grade school. She got a gold medal with a book embossed on it. She had a perfect attendance award, along with a certificate good for a personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. She got an award for having one of her art projects displayed at the State Capitol. She also happened to get her full orange belt in Karate last night. Along with the new belt, she got her first Karate weapon and is starting weapons training today. The weapon is a bow, a sort of javelin like stick basically. She has had some training with the bow, and is a natural at maneuvering it around which is why her Sensei suggested she train with weapons. She is the only 6 year old they have ever had that will be doing full on weapons training. I am so proud of that kid!

What Happens in Waikiki, Stays in Waikiki

2009-06-01T10:32:00.002-10:00

Well.....I had a wonderful weekend in Waikiki allll by my lonesome. It was so cool. I wandered the streets at night, I ate steak and shrimp. I lounged in bed with books. I sat at the beach and watched the waves. I went from club to club listening to various types of live music. I flirted. I took lots and lots of showers with super high powered water pressure. I ate breakfast on the beach. I got tanner. I RELAXED. I didn't do a single thing for anybody, just MYSELF. This really was the best birthday present ever. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I LOVED IT!
Now, the best thing is.......something happened to me at the hotel. There was a short in my bedside lamp. I got shocked. Not a little shock, but the kind that knocks you off the bed. So, I reported this to the front desk. They told me they would send up maintenance. The lamp was replaced. The maintenance guy got shocked turning off the lamp and unplugging it. He told me to write this incident up on one of those little cards that you fill out to say how your stay was. My stay was wonderful and I was very pleased with how quick they came and replaced the lamp. I said all that on the card. Today I got an email from the management of the hotel/resort I stayed in. They told me to contact them because they would like to ACCOMODATE me on my next trip. So, I am going to get another hotel stay. I will get a room that is wheelchair accessible. David and I will have a little mini honeymoon. Too cool, huh?
Kat

It was a wonderful birthday this year.

2009-05-20T10:57:00.002-10:00

Friday, May 15th was my 53rd birthday. It was a good birthday this year. Spent it with my daughter, my hubby and my grand-daughter and some friends from the Mainland. We had bbq chicken, ribs and hamburgers and hotdogs AND Rachel's world class margaritas. I only had one and was fairly snockered. Yeah, I know, I'm a cheap drunk.

Rachel gave me a makeover for my gift. Haircut and color, massage, manicure and pedicure. I took advantage of that on Saturday. SOOOO, I look brand new and at least 10 years younger. I feel relaxed, my nails on hands and feet look wonderful. I went red for nails and hair! It looks good if I do say so myself. I'll post pictures later.

David, my dear husband, gave me what is probably the best gift I've ever received. He gave me a weekend to myself in a nice hotel in Waikiki. That takes place next weekend, the 29th. I can hardly wait. He arranged for a nurse to come in and take care of him while I am gone. My parents are paying the nurse. My sis gave me a gift certificate to Red Lobster, one of my favorite restaraunts. It is just down the street from the hotel. I am so looking forward to this.

Lots of people would not want to stay in a hotel by themself or eat at a restaraunt alone, but I am going to love this. I have not had a single "day off" in 3 years since David had back surgery. I have to bathe him, dress him, even wipe his butt. He is in a wheelchair and at this point in his life, he can't do anything for himself, except eat and drink and use the computer. I have to serve up and cut up his food, but thankfully he can still feed himself. He is right handed, but can't lift that arm anymore so he uses his left hand. This is hard, since he is pretty weak in that arm too, but we try to have him do what he can for himself. As far as dressing, he can put on his socks, so he does that, but I do the rest. I use a hoyer lift to transfer him from bed to wheelchair or onto the toilet. We don't have a wheel in shower, so I give him a bed bath.

So, this gift from him and my parents and Rachel and my sister, is probably more valuable to me than it would be to most people. I am going to get room service. I am going to walk the beach with my metal detector. I'm going to sit around in the jacuzzi. AND, I look pretty again. What a cool birthday. Thank you, friends and family. You all ROCK!

Kat

Happy Mothers Day....Hawaiian Time

2009-05-11T13:16:00.002-10:00

In Hawaii if you are late for anything, you just say you are on Hawaiian time, so this is not a Belated Happy Mother's Day, it is just on Hawaiian time.

I sincerely hope all my huge readership out there had a great mother's day. Mine was good. Spent it at the beach and then a bbq at home. Was really nice.
I was thinking yesterday about the many people that Mother's Day is not such a happy day. I heard on a blog that I read, that someone's father died on Mother's day, so this is not a good day for her and she "has to get something for her Mom, but her heart is not in it". Then I thought of the many people I know, including my own two sisters, who would love to be mothers but for one reason or another, they either cannot have children or don't have children. Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for both of my sisters and many other childless women. Yet, my sisters still have their mother, so in that they are blessed. My husband, on the other hand, doesn't have a mother any more. She passed away in 1984. He still mourns her every day. He is always especially sad on Mother's Day.
All this reflection made me think about our many holidays that for one reason or another are NOT happy days for people. I understand this. My first husband left me and my three children, ages 6,7, 8 years old, the day after Christmas. For years we all went through the motions of Christmas, but our hearts were not really in it. My two sisters, both with no children of their own, always spent Christmas at our house. They brought their many friends who were often separated from their own families (most of both of my sister's friends are from various foreign countries). Everyone had a great time at our house. We had huge meals with dishes from across the world. We would play games, we exchanged gifts. Yet the children and I would always see that empty chair at the head of our table, and remember that their Dad left us at Christmas time. I'm glad that finally Christmas is a good time for my children once again. They all three have children of their own,
now, and the empty chair is not a spotlight anymore.

My heart goes out to those that did NOT have a happy Mother's day. Maybe you lost a child or a loved one, maybe you've never been a mother. I wish for you Peace.
Much love,
Kat

I've never been one to yell, but I found out today that I yell alot

2009-05-06T18:53:00.002-10:00

At least in the eyes of my grand daughter, U'i. Was hard to hear that, or rather read it, she wrote that in a paper at school. That I yell too much, but I am nice sometimes. Was rather shocking. It has me depressed now. Wonder what else I don't know about myself. I'm sure she will tell me. Seems alot of people tell me what is wrong with me. What clothes I should wear, how I should wear my hair. What I should do in life. Interesting. I never feel the need to tell others what they should do, what they should wear, how they wasted their brains or their life. But, for some reason I am fair game. Interesting.

One year ago today

2009-04-15T12:46:00.003-10:00

I just realized that today is our anniversary.....of moving to Hawaii. This has been an eventful year. One full of beauty. A great year for reconnecting with some old friends and meeting new people. Two moves for housing since we arrived, but we are settled in for the long haul. Rachel and U'iLani live right next door. Sister Rebecca lives about 1 1/2 miles away. We have our two cats, Minnie and Munchkin back with us (they arrived last month, it was a real hassle moving them to Hawaii). We have tons of wild chickens who are now eating out of our hands.

These are the good things.

On the flip side, the not so good things......David gets worse every month. A case manager came and talked to us about nursing home options. I doubt we will go that route unless something dire happens to me. David flat out stated that going to a nursing home would kill him. Since his mind is made up, it probably would. Meanwhile, he requires more and more care. I am tired. I need a break. I pray I get one. Looking into a support group for caregivers. I heard there is one that meets every other month. I will check it out. This weekend three of our teen aged chickens were killed, not sure what got them. U'iLani is heartbroken as one of them was her favorite, she had named him Cupcake Junior. She cried for hours, it was very sad. She is learning about that circle of life, a hard lesson for a five year old.

I love being back in Hawaii. I need to make time to enjoy it MORE. Sunday we spent the day at Ala Moana Beach. It was a perfect day.

Land that I love

2009-03-27T06:47:00.001-10:00

This is why I love Hawaii

WOW, I found it!

2009-03-22T12:26:00.002-10:00

I thought it was lost forever, but I actually found the posting I did on New Year's Eve. Got it published. Nothing earth shaking, but it is discouraging to write something and have it disappear.

Happy Smile on my face!

I miss...........

2009-03-22T11:39:00.003-10:00

I miss.......my kids being little, they grew up too fast. Rachel lives next door. Which is very cool, but my sons are too far away. Jeremy lives in Colorado. I am lucky if I get to see him every two years, sometimes it is longer than that. Jason doesn't really live anywhere right now, he travels. ALOT. I haven't seen him for a year on April 15th. That is too long. I think now that I am over 50, my kids should have yearly family reunions. We need each other. We've all been very close and this being separated by so many miles.....SUCKS. Now there are grand children. I only get to spend time with one. And I had to move to Hawaii to be able to do that.
I miss......Micah and Maya, my other grandkids. I don't like being the grandma that doesn't see her grandkids very often. I don't like that Micah and Maya are growing up without really knowing me. Talking on the phone just isn't the same. I want to spend TIME. I want to feel those little arms wrap around my neck and those little bodies snuggle up to their Nana. I want to tell them stories and do goofy things with them. Thank goodness I get to do that with U'i. She is the light in my darkness. She is what makes it worth getting up in the morning. I doubt she knows that even though I tell her how much I love her. I don't think she can fathom just how much I miss her when she is gone.
I miss....U'i, when she goes away. Today she left to see her Dad during Spring Break. I hope she comes back happy and her regular funny, sweet self. The other times she has spent time with her Dad, she comes back surly, and sassy. It takes weeks, sometimes months for her to adjust. We have to hear all the negative things her dad spouts to her about her mom, and all of our family. It is sad. I miss my U'i when she is like that. She is like some alternate universe child....one we don't know and who we long for until she comes back.
I miss my friends.................they live so far away. They lived far away before I moved to Hawaii. Moving here has not affected those relationships. I just miss that I used to be able to travel. To see my friends. To have a break.
I miss....... my husband being able to do things for himself.
I miss sex.........., and a husband/wife relationship. Much as I try to change it, my relationship is now that of a caregiver. Not on my part, that is how David sees me. There isn't anything else there. He doesn't make love to me, he tells me how much he loves me, but I don't feel it. I feel like I am just the maid, the nurse. Its sad.
I miss.......time for myself. I try to make time, but it is a precious commodity. Doesn't happen enough.
I miss.......writing. I make promises to do better. Wonder if it will happen this time around. All I can do is try. Not going to beat myself up about that.
Over and out....Kat was here.

Waterfalls seen from our yard this weekend

2009-03-16T08:27:00.003-10:00

Just one of the reasons I love Hawaii so much. Even when it rains, it is beautiful. I counted 70 waterfalls within my eyesight. THere were actually hundreds. Regular camera didn't have fresh batteries so these pictures were taken with the cell phone, so they are not the best, but give you a good idea of what my view is.

Taking a break today to try to do a little blogging. David has been sick for over a month. I'm getting worried that these bowel problems are permanent. Trying not to be discouraged.

Wow, amazing how time can get away from you

2009-02-04T15:52:00.002-10:00

I had a plan. I would post on a regular basis. I was thinking daily. I just noticed that in all actuality, I am posting on a yearly basis. That's what happens when a person has more things to do than they have hours in a day. Story of my life.

I did post on New Year's Eve. Unfortunately after writing my whole post, it somehow got lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Cyberspace. It was disheartening. I had written alot, even had pictures on it. I just didn't feel like doing it over. So, here it is February of the New Year, and I am finally getting around to posting. Good thing that blogging on a regular basis was not on my list of resolutions.

I have a house full of company. Friends from Switzerland. It has been fun. They leave next week. The house will seem empty without Raymond and Bernadette here. They will have been with us for a full month on Wednesday.

Marilyn, my upstairs neighbor from San Diego arrives on February 19th. She will be bringing our two cats, Mini and Munchkin with her. I don't know which I am more excited to see, Marilyn or the cats!

This next is a reminder to myself.........find the superpowers within yourself.......from an article I read while waiting in a doctor's office. Do you think it is bad karma that I stole that magazine? I'll bring it back on the follow-up visit.

Ok, time to start dinner after we feed the chickens.

Kat

2008 WAS great in many ways. 2009 WILL be fine.

2008-12-31T13:47:00.004-10:00

This has been a year of changes. Most of them really good. Our goal to move to Hawaii was realized. It makes my heart happy to be here. The beauty takes my breath away at times. I actually did not know how much I missed this land until I came back in April. The very smell of the air, the taste of the water, the blue of the sky and the many colors of the ocean, were things that I was aching to experience again.

Now we are here. We have family here. We have friends here. It is good, very good. Sure, things can be better, and things WILL be better. But, all in all, 2008 was a great year for me.

Rachel and U'i Lani live next door. They got to move into the empty duplex next to us at the beginning of December. This has been wonderful, giving all 4 of us much more room, but still letting us be close. Of course the bills are more. I am trusting that there will be more income. I can feel it will happen.

I'm surprised beyond belief that Jason is doing as well as he is. We had hopes that he would be in a drug testing program but that hasn't panned out. It is OK. He is OK. He is holding his own, fighting for his life and still having a good time. Today he is in Colorado Springs, enjoying our Maya. In two weeks he will go back to Kentucky. I believe he made 4 trips there in 2008. That is amazing in itself. He made a trip to San Diego, was there the week before we came to Hawaii. He made two trips to Seattle. His art is becoming more and more amazing. Both tattoo work and his other art. His writing is actually becoming famous on myspace and some other sites. He continues to make his mark. I know that is why he is still here, he has much unfinished business. I hope his unfinished business keeps him here for many more years. But I am grateful for the time we have had. I want to see him in 2009. That is my big hope for the coming year.

Jeremy and Hannah came to see us in June. They brought Micah, my first grandson. What a sweetie. He is never without a smile. Happy, happy. A joy to be around. He came just before his first birthday. Walking and talking already. We had so much fun. They went home too soon. We got lucky, because Hannah and Micah came back in November and spent two weeks. He had grown so much. Is a little person at 17 months. Wonderful sense of humor, even in a child that young. We spent two weeks laughing with him.

On the down side....David is not doing well. He is weaker and weaker. More and more dependent. It is sad. I see signs of either Alzhiemers or Dementia. At only 67, that is too young. The doctors say that is not that unusual in someone with post-polio.

Things we are looking forward to in 2009......Bernadette and Raymond will visit for the month in February. YAYE!!! Marilyn is coming for two weeks in March, bringing our cats! DOUBLE YAYE! We are looking forward to being a complete family again once Munchkin and Minnie are back with us. My hope is that 2009 will be a happy and healthy and FINE year for all of us. 2009, all will be fine. That is our motto.

Happy New Year to those of you who may happen upon this post.

Kat

Found a NEW website for selling. Ebay Alternative

2008-11-27T21:05:00.002-10:00

I'm super excited about this new website called Bonanzle. I opened an account last night and have been checking it out all day today, between cooking and eating our turkey with all the fixings. My booth name (like an ebay store, but better) is Fromhawaii2you.

The #1 cool thing about the site is that it costs NOTHING to list. You only pay if you sell something. And you pay alot less than you do on Ebay. So, for now, I am going to try to list on there and see what happens. It is new, but growing every day. It has online chat for each booth, which is kinda like the ebay blogs, with real time chatting. Interesting and fun. I'm putting in a link, I hope it takes you to the site, but I'm new at doing that. If you click on my items on the right hand side of my blog, it takes you right to that site. HAPPY DAY.

Kat

Click here: Bonanzle

Why did they think we were terrorists???

2008-11-11T21:51:00.000-10:00

Barb and I took alot of trips for her business. We would go to Reno or Vegas two to three times a year. (You can read about Barb in my previous post about the pig). We were always buying alot of stuff at the trade shows and bringing the stuff back in our luggage to save on shipping costs to our homes in Hawaii.
One memorable trip we knew we were going to bring as much stuff back as possible so both of us took the biggest two suitcases we had and put one inside the other. These four suitcases were totally empty. Then we each brought a backpack carry on bag. (Don't you miss being able to have two check in bags and one carry on? those were the days). We packed things in the carry ons that were stuff that were destined for goodwill or to throw away as we were going to use these bags for merchandise too upon departure.
Sooooo, we go to the trade show. This is a huge gun and knife and bow and arrow trade show that is in Reno every year. We bought as many guns, knives and bows and crossbows, etc. as could fit in our bags. We threw all the packaging for these items away (actually we left them in our hotel room for the maid to throw away). We left our clothes and for some reason the night before we had both decided to color our hair, and Barb gave me a haircut.
IMAGINE our surprise when we checked out that morning, to be stopped not just by the hotel security but by the Reno Police department!!!!
We could not figure out what we had done wrong. The "good cop" had to spell out to us just how shady it looked to have the packages to a bunch of rifles and handguns and knives and bows and crossbows in our hotel room. We had packed everything legally, with the proper locks, etc. What we hadn't realized was that the maid was scared out of her mind when she saw all that stuff, plus our clothes plus our hair dye boxes and I guess the hair from my haircut was the true crowning touch.
We missed our plane. We got interrogated. Finally, the fine Reno police department realized we were just a couple of dizzy dames from Hawaii and we were escorted to the next available flight.
I wonder if I am still on some WATCH list?
Kat

Gift for my brother....who has everything, but not a pig!

2008-11-08T18:47:00.000-10:00

John, my oldest brother is quite wealthy. He has a daughter named Jennifer and a wife named Jane. The women in my brother's family used to be real snobs. They thought their chit didn't stink and they were always trying to show how they were better than anyone else. They have changed over the years and are now nice women, but a few years back, it was a different story.

Jane and Jennifer took up horse riding. My brother bought them horses. Jane couldn't just ride a horse, she had to go in for English riding, with her jodhophurs, and side saddle, and all that pomp and circumstance, she looked liked she was going after the foxes. Her horses were all registered quarter horses or something like that. Something impressive. Jennifer had an apaloosa pony. They called them spotted shetlands I believe. An expensive and impressive registered breed.

I lived in Hawaii at the time and my brother and his family lived in Washington State. My best friend here in Hawaii is named Barb. She and I used to travel ALOT to go to trade shows for the business she and her husband had here in Hawaii, which was a camping store that also sold guns, ammunition, etc. Barb had met my brother and his wife and we used to talk stink about Jane and Jennifer because those two were not very nice to my brother. How they could be mean to someone as easy going and generous as he is, is beyond me, but like I said, their chit didn't stink. Anyway, we kept hearing all about the REGISTERED animals Jane and Jennifer had and Barb and I thought John needed a REGISTERED animal of his own. Now, John is not like that. He doesn't care for pomp and circumstance, but we thought we would give him some.

Barb and I were in Reno, NV for a trade show. We met this dealer who sold pot-bellied pigs when he wasn't dealing cards. We were going to drive from Reno to Washington to see my brother and his family and to meet up with my parents, who were going to be there too, they were coming in their motorhome.

Barb and I went out to the dealer's ranch and we got John this cute little pot-bellied pig. It had a harness and leash and everything. We had her name registered, we named her in honor of my sister-in-law.....the pig was named Tita Kini (pronounced KEE NEE). This is an Hawaiian name and it translates to Bitch Jane.

We put Tita Kini in a cat carrier for the ride to Washington. We were going to drive straight thru, I think it was like a 12 hour drive and we set out early in the afternoon, expecting to drive all night and arrive the next morning. All went well, until the little pig stunk up the car when she defecated. So we drove to a grocery store and bought some baby wipes. Barb and I pulled up in an alley not far from the grocery store. I put the little harness on the sweet little pig and my job was to hold the pig while Barb wiped its little butt. WELLLLLLLLLLL...........we opened the cage and the pig bolted. I hung on for dear life to the harness and leash. The pig SQUEALED and omg, we were so scared that we were going to get arrested. That little thing was so loud and it sounded like it was a child being tortured to death. It was awful. I was laughing so hard, that the pig nearly got away from me. They are STRONG. Barb wiped its butt, wiped out the cat carrier and we stuffed that pig back in there and took off like bats out of hell. We were sure some cop would be hot on our tails. We drove the rest of the night and decided that if the pig pooped or peed, it would just have to stay there. We got to my brother's town around 6am.

John had told us to call him when we got there and he would meet us at a diner that was easy to find and then he would lead us back to his farm. It was way out in the boonies and really hard to find. So, we called him and he met us for breakfast and we showed him his little REGISTERED pig. He was in love with that cute little thing, love at first sight. We told John NOT to let the pig out of the carrier when we got to his house. To put the carrier in a stall in the barn and let the pig get used to that before letting her out. We WARNED HIM.

Well, when we got to the farm, everyone was still asleep. My parents out in their Motorhome, and Jane and Jennifer in the house. Mom and Dad heard us drive up and came out to see us. John was so proud of Tita Kini that he decided he was going to take her for a little walk. He hooked up the leash to the harness and opened that cat carrier. Tita Kini SQUEALED and bolted. John hung on for dear life and that pig just kept on SQUEALING. The registered horses came bolting out of the barn. Jane and Jennifer came bolting out of the house.

Barb and I were NOT on Jane and Jennifer's good list. I was NO LONGER the favorite Auntie. Those two never did like Tita Kini. John loved her. After all, he finally had his own REGISTERED animal!

Poet's Corner From the pen of a 5 year old.

2008-11-03T20:27:00.000-10:00

Today U'iLani discovered poetry. She has a little diary that she has been drawing in and recently started writing thoughts. Today she wrote poetry. Three wonderful poems.

Here they are, exactly as she wrote them.

My Mom Book

Mom is grat

She is so grat

My mom

Nana Book

Nana is grat

She culiz with me (cuddles)

My Nana

My Dad Book

My Dad is grat

Hee thix (thinks) that he is veree smot (smart)

My Dad

Not bad at all for first attempts and very astute, she captured each of us! Still laughing at this kid, you just never know what is going to come out of her little mind.

Time, just give me some time!

2008-10-29T08:29:00.001-10:00

I used to think certain things were my most precious commodities. Like my doll collection, handed down from my great-grandma, to grandma, to mom, then to me. But ex-hubby destroyed that when he left me for another woman. It was his way of retaliating when I wrecked his girlfriend's brand new corvette. He systematically went thru the house and destroyed anything personal or precious to me. So, I got over being attached to material things.

As I matured I realized that people are what is most precious. I've let friendships lapse, it was easy to do when I moved and got busy. Recently I've gone back, looked up old friends, renewed our friendships. It has been strange. Though I hadn't talked to some of these people in maybe 10 years, once I called and got over the inital ackwardness, it seemed as if we had never stopped talking. Now these precious friends are people I call at least once a month. They are my new/old support group. It has been wonderful realizing that the very people I counted on as a young woman and young mother are STILL here for me today.

Recently, as in the past two and a half years, what I cherish and miss ALOT is time. TIME to be alone. TIME for myself, with no one needing me for anything. I've lost this commodity. My time belongs to others. I am TRYING to carve out a time just for me. Even a few hours. So far it has not been working. I have people I take care of. Medically, physically, emotionally. But I NEED TIME to renew myself. To take care of ME.

Last week I had a long talk with David, my husband. We are trying to figure out how to lessen the burden I have in caring for him. So far, we haven't figured it out, but we are at least discussing possibilites. He is in a wheelchair. He is very weak, as in too weak to transfer himself, too weak to lift his one good arm high enough to even make a sandwich or dress himself. I literally do everything for him, including bathe him and wipe his butt. He can only be left alone for very short periods of TIME and has to be in bed when I leave him alone. This is so he can urinate on his own, using the hand held urinal. He can't urinate any more from his wheelchair alone, he hasn't the strength to move himself in the way he has to in order to pee. But he is petrified to be left alone on the bed if there is no one in the house, as he has a huge phobia about fire. He is afraid of being trapped on the bed should there be an emergency. I can understand this as there is no way he can get up on his own. I use a hoyer lift to transfer him from the bed to his wheelchair as it is. Due to his many medical problems, we also have numerous doctor visits in a week. I have to go with him to all of these as he can't use the toilet without help. So, this dependence of his is something that makes my TIME not my own.

Then there is my grand daughter, U'iLani. She is in kindergarten. She and my daughter Rachel live with us. Rachel works long hours. She leaves our house at 6:30am, often getting home late. U'iLani has a full schedule of activities. Arts and crafts, swimming lessons, karate class, plus daily homework. Yes, even in kindergarten they have daily homework. Rachel is gone for most of these activities so David and I take her. We enjoy it but it is something that tends to restrict our already full schedule. We work around her activities for the most part. I walk her to and from school each morning and we walk to all her activities. Luckily the farthest one is only one mile away, so this is good exercise but is of course, TIME consuming.

Ok, I could take some TIME for myself in the evenings, when Rachel is home. But after a full day of doing all that I do, I am tired. I don't want to leave the house. But if I am at home, I am not going to be able to do anything by myself. Our house is tiny. There is nowhere I can be alone unless Rachel and U'i are in bed. If they are in bed, I can have the living room to myself, hoping, hoping that David will not need me for something. It is sad when he calls me....."Sweets, can you come here". Just hearing "Sweets", makes me cringe. It means I have to DO something. This sounds harsh. But it is true. There is no more sex. There is only CARE giving. There is no more giving to me....there is only me DOING for him. It exhausts me. He is going to be 67 this December. I am 52. But I live the life of an invalid. We don't qualify for respite. But I NEED respite. Ok, enough griping. Cherish the TIME you have, because one day, you too might need TIME and it just might not be there for you.

Ok, gonna try this again.

2008-10-22T10:16:00.000-10:00

I deleted all my previous blog posts, they were way too whiney. Reminder to self, don't post when you are having a pity party or depressed. LOL.

Today we are going to visit a state park after U'i Lani gets home from school. It should be fun to hike around and visit the marina right next to the park. U'i is the only one who has been here, she went last year with her pre-school for a field trip. She is really excited to be showing the park off to us and afterwards we are going to the mall for dinner and maybe a movie. She loves riding the Handivan and is getting to know the local drivers very well. I think the attraction of the Handivan is that she sits up high and can see better than in a car or on the city bus. School gets out early on Wednesdays so going on a little field trip of our own is going to be our new tradition. This gives Rachel a chance to come home to the house by herself and unwind after work. She says she will meet us at the mall later. The mall is within walking distance of home, so we will walk back afterwards. Here's hoping for a GREAT DAY.