My Brother Steve

Happy Birthday to my Brother Steve!  People thought we were twins when we were young, we are just a little more than a year apart in age.  We went everywhere together.  We were the team that ganged up on the other kids.  We were the Dick and Tommy Smothers of the neighborhood....I played the straightman....Steve is the funny one.

Steve can make me laugh....he can say anything and make me laugh.   He used to just call out a word...rutabaga, horseshoe, quantum physics...and I would be rolling on the floor laughing.  I lost the "who can go the longest without laughing game" EVERY time, and it was all Steve's fault.  If I was playing against anyone else, guaranteed I could win, but Steve is the master of making me laugh. 

I miss Steve, I only see him every few years.  I haven't seen him now for 5 years.  He lives in Indianapolis, I live in Hawaii.  Who knows when he will come here or I will go there, maybe someday we can meet in the middle, but  meanwhile, I miss him. 

Love you, Bro, have a wonderful day and may this year be a good one for you, Lord knows it is time for you to have some good years.

Hiking in a Lava Tube!

Well, while you were probably snowed in and busy watching the Superbowl, we were hiking in a lava tube!   I didn't even realize until today that yesterday was Superbowl Sunday.  Not that I would have watched the game since we don't have a TV. 

I sold the TV right after David passed away. I haven't missed it a bit though I confess I am going to watch Survivor on CBS.com, it is my one TV vice and I've been a fan since the very first show.  Enough of that, back to the lava tube.

Rachel, U'i and I drove to Hawai'i Volcanoes National Park yesterday after a short visit to our local farmer's market.  The drive was lovely, maybe a 1/2 hour from our house. 

 We started out at an elevation of 53 feet from sea level, and went up to well over 4,000 feet.  The volcano we visited is Kilauea. This volcano has been continuously erupting since 1982, adding many square miles of new land each year where the lava flows into the ocean.  The park also encompasses another volcano, Mauna Loa, which is actually the tallest mountain on earth when measuring from its base in the ocean to the top. It is well over 35,000 feet tall.  It also has snow at the summit and many people ski there, then in 15 minutes they can also surf in the ocean.  There is snow on the summit right now. 

 We didn't go that far yesterday,  just limiting our stay to the summit of Kilauea, the visitor center there and hiking the Thurston Lava tube.  We will be spending many, many more days in this wonderful National Park in the future. 

Here is a picture of the fern filled trail on the way to the Lava Tube. 

 After a short hike,  the trail enters the actual lava tube.

 

The tube itself took maybe 5 minutes to hike through, and then it was another short hike back to the parking area.

Just a few miles away is the caldera.   Quite a contrast to this first  part of the park! 

 We spent about 4 hours in the park and just barely scratched the surface.  Stay tuned for further adventures. We can't wait to see the lava flowing into the ocean and this same caldera at night, where the steam looks like fire shooting into the sky!

On the hunt again!

This has been one of those whirlwind kinda weeks.  Since I last posted, our world has turned upside down!


We moved into the rental house.  It is a wonderful house and we have a great landlord.  Steve is just the nicest guy and has been above and beyond helpful and friendly.  He has a cat named Snow Tiger or ST for short,  ST and Ui bonded immediately.

He designed and built this house.  He had a bunch of furniture that was not being used so when we moved in on Saturday, he set up 2 twin beds in Ui's room, beds he built himself.  A double bed in Rachel's room and a double bed in my room, which was also built by Steve. My bed is very high, and has shelves for storage underneath.  A real move up from sleeping on a futon on the floor which is what I have done since April 15, 2008 when I moved back to Hawaii!!!

There was a table and 3 chairs for the dining room, a huge desk for Rachel,  a futon couch and several bookshelves and a couple of storage cabinets for each room.  The house is very open and spacious with a HUGE kitchen.  Wood floors throughout with the exception of Ui's room which is carpeted. Two bathrooms and a separate kitchenette off Rachel's room. 

The house is on an acre set quite a ways back from the road. 

The neighbors have a couple of sheep and everyone has free range chickens.  Just down the road are some woods and wild boar!  We have spotted at least 4 adults and 8 babies.  So cute!  

 A friend shipped 3 boxes of our stuff  from storage on Sunday and pots and pans, cooking utensils,  curtains,  and some of Ui's toys and miscellaneous other items arrived on Monday afternoon. So we can cook again! Yaye! The remaining things from storage will be shipped out on Feb. 16th when Rachel goes back to Oahu to take care of that, now that we have a place to live.

Ui started school on Monday.  I went with Ui for that first day as Rachel was buy with conference calls from work and couldn't get away.  I met the teacher and toured the campus with Ui to get her bearings.  We really like this new teacher,  Mrs. Nakamura, she is an older grandmotherly type woman, very friendly.  After school she walked Ui to the car and hugged her and welcomed us.  She told me that they had done some preliminary reading testing and that Ui is reading well above the 2nd grade level at 5th or 6th grade level.  I knew she was reading well, but was happy to hear that she is that advanced.   Ui made a few new friends on the first day, her new best friend is named Harley.  By today, which is Friday, I think Ui knows half the school already.  

Tuesday Ui rode the school bus for the first time.  We have a little hike down the unpaved country road we live on to get to the bus stop.  The bus picks her up at 6:30am and drops her off at 3pm.   Rachel and I have been walking to and from the bus stop twice a day, it is about a 15 minute walk each way, so instantly we are getting a good hour of exercise.  We are really enjoying this. 

Today Rachel and Ui had to RUN for the bus as we left the house late and they made it to the bus stop with one minute to spare.  I plodded along and got there right after she left on the bus.   I'm sorry, but I am not going to run!

I have been applying for jobs all week.  So far no calls for interviews but I'm hoping I will hear from someone soon.  Job hunting is really stressful when you have not worked a regular job for 12 years but I know something good is waiting for me.

Ok, back to the house.    Last thing I wrote was that we had a 5-6 month wait on the house due to a title wording mistake.  A friend here has a brother-in-law who is the head of the realtors in all of Hawaii.  He called and asked us what was going on.  Turns out that the attorney who did the foreclosure on the house Rachel was trying to buy had screwed up over 200 foreclosures including this one!  D... told us that this is why there is such a backlog at the land court.  We talked to him on Monday afternoon.  He dictated a letter to Rachel over the phone to put some fear in the bank, realtor, attorneys, etc. involved in the house deal.  He told Rachel to give them 96 hours to respond and either reimburse her expenses,  or take care of the problem,  or seek legal recourse. The letter included this information and Rachel immediately typed up a draft and sent it to D.... for approval before sending copies via certified mail to all parties involved.  This was Monday. 

By Tuesday morning Rachel's orginal realtor called to let us know that the bank that owns the house had backed out of the deal and pulled the house off the market.  This was before even receiving the threat letter, apparently someone realized that this mistake on the title would be causing some real legal problems.  So.... our dream house is not even  available now. 

This is ok, it relieved us of having to make a decision of whether to wait out the land court backlog or to look for another house.   Our new realtor, D...  has already sent us a bunch of listings, we have driven by those houses and found a handful that we are interested in.  We meet with D... tomorrow to get a closer look at these and one in particular Rachel is thinking  of a making an offer on if the inside is as nice as it appears on the website.  

Anyway, we are no longer homeless.  We are settling in and have made several new friends already.  So life is looking up and we are ready to move onward and upward!   Thanks to all who wished us the best and gave us encouraging words that things would work out.  We feel at peace. 

Sigh....I will not freak out, I will not freak out.........

Today was not a good day. Rachel heard from her lender and the house may take ANOTHER 5 -6 MONTHS to close. Yes, months. It is a long story about an attorney that didn't do her homework and worded the title wrong and then didn't file the petition to change the wording when she should have and now there is huge backlog at the land court so this is not going to happen for awhile.
 Soooooo, we found a house to rent and will be moving in tomorrow. It is in the same area the house is in, in fact just one street away and a few blocks down. It is a 3 bedroom house and is clean and neat, even has some furniture in it. The guy is willing to rent it month to month which is good. Meanwhile Rachel needs to decide if she wants to go thru with the house purchase, sue the lendor, or find another house to buy or what. I don't know what to tell her but I do know it was a real let down to hear this today. We did get U'i registered at school and she starts on Monday. Rachel is going to Oahu on Tuesday to ship our stuff that is in storage.







I didn't cry, but Rachel did, but we are all ok now, we can get thru this, it is not the end of the world. One point Rachel made was when she first looked at houses, many she liked she would not even consider because David could not have gotten in them, but that is not a consideration any more so maybe we will find something even more perfect if she decides to buy something else. Still going to be a Koki Villa though and have some land and some rental type deal. Anyway, I will let you know what happens. I am going to do the job search thing starting Monday when U'i goes to school. That is stressing me, but I know it will be ok too.

Ok, did you miss me?

Just a very quick update.  I'm back in Hawaii.  The house has NOT closed yet.  CROSSING my fingers that it will close on Jan. 31, but NOT HOLDING my breath!

My trip to the mainland was wonderful and very refreshing and much needed.  I will be writing of my various adventures in the near future and posting pictures.  I was more or less without a computer from Dec. 2 until now.  Both houses I stayed at only have hardwired internet access and their connections were being used for business so I didn't even check email except a couple of times.  But I'M BACK!!  I have hundreds of emails to go through, answer or delete so if you don't get a personal email from me for a few days, I hope you will understand.

Thank  you to my friends and family for your support, prayers and concern for me at this time.  Things are looking up and I'm feeling ready to tackle the next mountain.

Much love and Aloha from your Hawaiian Connection.
Kat

On the road again.....because I'm homeless in Hawaii!

It is not really as bad as I've titled it, though it is true at the moment.  

Amazingly, that very morning, Dec. 1st, my best friend Barb had called and said she was going to send me a ticket to visit her in Las Cruces, New Mexico.  She said I could leave the very next day, but I told her to wait until Dec. 3rd so I could tie up some loose ends.  So I spent that morning packing my suitcase, then started to walk to school to pick U'i up.  That is when the landlady called and said we needed to move out that day! 

I thought she meant my own apartment next door which had been vacated the week before and I reminded her I had already turned in the keys.  She told me no, the one rented was the one that we were all living in!  Ok, inside I was panicking as Rachel was at work and how the heck was I going to get us moved out that day, Rachel had LOTS of stuff left in her apartment. 

I continued my walk up to the school and Rachel called.  I asked if the landlady had called her too.  Rachel hadn't heard from her, but she had good news.  Before telling her the news I had, I wanted to hear her news.  The good news was that there was real progress on the house we are moving to on the Big Island.  More than likely it would close escrow before Christmas!  WOOHOO.  Then I told Rach about the call from the landlady.

Rachel said she would take off work and be right home!   Then the landlady called back.  This all took place on a half block walk to get U'i from school.  The landlady said that she had talked to the new renter and we could have until Friday morning at 8am to vacate.  This was good news.  It was currently 1:20pm on Wednesday.  There was no way we would have been able to get out THAT day!

So the scramble, we packed, we cleaned, we didn't sleep and we were out of Rachel's apartment by 8am Friday.  Rachel and U'i moved in with my sister, where they will stay until the house is done.  I got on a plane on Friday and am in Las Cruces, New Mexico until Jan. 1st.  I will go from here to Colorado Springs that day and stay until who knows when so I can see my ready- to- be- born -any- day -grandchild and my son Jeremy, his wife Hannah, my grandson Micah. 

 Meanwhile, my parents who have been wintering in California are going to leave CA on Jan.3rd so they can see me in Colorado and my son Jason is going to try to make it there from Kentucky.  I have a cousin and her new husband  from Indiana who are going to go skiing while I am there so it will be a mini family reunion. 

 Not sure when I'm going back to Hawaii, but HOPEFULLY Rachel will be all moved into the new house and the next chapter in my life will begin.  The chapter where I have to get  a job after not working for 12 years!  That should be interesting...stay tuned.....

Cheese and Crackers

David had a cat named Zeus.   Lovely orange tabby that lived to be 23 years old.   Zeus was a very talkative cat, probably part siamese.  He would ask for his food,  talk to us when he was happy, sad or just felt like talking. 

David and Zeus shared a common love....cheese...of any variety.   Early in our marriage David got in the habit of wanting something to eat after we made love.  First it was cookies and milk but later on it became crackers and cheese.   Lucky Zeus, he would get a little piece of cheese whenever David had some.  

One night after a very pleasant lovemaking session,   I could not figure out why Zeus was sitting at the foot of our bed....talking....and then talking LOUDER.  He would not stop making noise.   Then David and I realized that Zeus was asking for CHEESE.   Sadly that night we did not have any cheese and crackers. 

I can assure you that for the remaining years of our marriage, there was always cheese and crackers around.  Zeus was happy and David and I began to ask each other if we felt like having some cheese and crackers....heeheee.

She said, "It's a beautiful day for a funeral, Nana"

Actually, it wasn't a funeral on Sunday, it was a memorial and a celebration of my husband's life, but U'i is 7 and to her it was a funeral though she has never been to a funeral.

It was a beautiful day.  My daughter and her boyfriend spent the morning cooking and U'i and I hung out watching them and talking.  Rachel asked me if I knew what I was going to say.  I told her  I had no idea but that it would come to me at the right time.  U'i informed us that she had prepared a speech and she had written it down.  She found her Hello Kitty Clipboard and attached her speech and hunted up some paper to make a "sign in sheet". 

This kid always amazes me.  She had no one showing her to do these things, but obviously she had been thinking about it.  U'i is a deep kid, we always have thought she was 7 going on 57, just an old soul.  She would not let us read her speech at that time, so we had no idea what she was going to say.  I wasn't worried though, I knew it would be special.

My sister came by and Rachel gave Beck and U'i a "secret" task.  I had to leave the house so they could discuss this task and only allowed to come back after Beck and U'i had left the premises.

A couple hours later it was time to head out.  The memorial was at David's favorite beach, Ala Moana, specifically in an area called Magic Island. David liked going to this area because the park here has sidewalks throughout and it was easy for him to navigate in his wheelchair.   The setting is beautiful, and there always some people fishing off the shore,  others enjoying a picnic, kids and adults throwing frisbies or walking their dogs,  skateboarders, bikers, joggers, kite fliers,  just people out enjoying this paradise of Hawaii. 

David came out here often even though we live on the other side of the island.  He would catch the handivan and spend the day here.  Talking to strangers and I discovered later, he also ran into friends many times on his ventures.  He didn't always go alone, this is one of our favorite beaches too and we often spent the day here with him.  But for lone trips, this was David's favorite hangout.

On the way to the beach, we stopped to get my sister and U'i.  They had finished their secret project and proudly showed it to me.  They had gone to Walgreens with a flash drive filled with pictures and had made the most wonderful memory book of David.  I cry just thinking about it.  They had made several copies for other members of the family not able to join us for this memorial AND a bunch of single sheets of pictures and a journal entry that U'i had written and the Army newsletter bio of David.  These single sheets were to be handed out when U'i had guests sign in on her sign in sheet. 

As we drove to the beach, looking at the book and photos, everyone in the car was sobbing, when we weren't laughing over some of the silly pictures and the adorable captions U'i had authored.

The day WAS beautiful, perfect weather, sunny with a nice trade wind coming off the ocean.  We found a good spot under a shady tree and filled up an empty picnic table with food, drinks and paper goods for eating and drinking.  We tied our bouquets of helium balloons to a near by pole to mark the location for the coming guests. 

Slowly people began to come, they added their dishes to the potluck and we all hung out and "talked story" about who we were and how we knew David.  U'i handed out pictures and made people sign in on her clipboard.  It was very informal and people arrived slowly, on Hawaiian time, we had said 3pm, but it was after 4 when the last guests came.  Some people had brought leis, some for me to wear, some for later,  for our goodbye to David.  

After the last guest came, U'i took over.  Informed us that it was time to gather in a circle.  By this time our friend Bun and her husband had provided plastic chairs from her work for us all to sit under the shady tree.  My sister Beck led in a prayer of thanksgiving for David's life and to bless the food we would eat.

U'i took over from here.  Asking people what they would like to say about David.  Several shared their thoughts and feelings about this man, my husband.  Many expressed how he was not a complainer, how he did not have a "poor me" attitude.  One of the volunteers from the Army Museum that David also volunteered at,  shared that though his nickname for David was "Shorty", he always thought Dave stood tall, and cast the longest shadow of anyone he knew.  Many shared how David always spoke of his love for his family and for me, his wife.  Some stories were funny, some of the words brought tears to our eyes. 

One of U'i's teachers had come.  She shared how she was so moved by the bond that U'i and her Papa had because she had a sister who had lived most of her life in a wheelchair.  This sister had been a  cheerleader and had broken her neck in a fall during a cheer.  Mrs. Buck's sister had then been confined to a wheelchair and Mrs. Buck had seen how people looked at her with fear, or avoided looking at her at all.  She spoke of how those many years ago, anyone with a disability was treated "differently".  She was touched by the love U'i always showed David.  Touched by seeing her riding around on the back of his wheelchair and her obvious acceptance of him.  How she would see U'i urge her friends that showed fear when seeing Papa for the first time to come meet him, take a try at riding on the wheelchair. 

U'i pretty much MCd the whole afternoon. Introducing each speaker, and leading with applause when they finished.  She read her prepared speech and added some more thoughts. She introduced me, her Nana, the wife of David. She introduced her mother, Rachel, David's daughter. 

 She directed us to go get food when we were done speaking and afterwards she led us to the water.  U'i told us how earlier she and Mrs. Buck had tossed the rose her teacher had brought into the waves and watched it float away and how when they looked up, there was a rainbow. U'i said that rainbow was Papa smiling at them.  U'i then led the other guests to throw the leis or other flowers they had brought into the ocean and we each silently said our goodbyes as the flowers floated away.  U'i then helped distribute the green and white helium balloons to each person and we watched them float up into the heavens and shortly after that, the sun slowly sank into the ocean.  Goodbye David, my love.........

Letter from my son

I feel horrible about the way David died. In his wheelchair, slumped over, probably trying to pick up his phone and couldn't pull himself up, his breath running out on him.


Why couldn't he have died somewhere else? In his bed, on the floor... Even on the toilet. He'd been in that chair for so many years, and others like it for over 50 years, reminding him of his inability to use his legs. That fucking chair.

Those were my first thoughts about Da that i had when my mom called me to tell me he died. Now my mother is asking me to say something at his memorial that i can't be there for.

What can i say?

I loved him so much. i LOVE him still. I love him to the point that i gave my daughter his last name instead of my own so that his name would carry on because he never had any children of his own.

I am glad he died in Hawaii... in a warm place, in the place he wanted to die. With my mom.

He loved you so much you know. When i lived with you two, it was great to see how much you were loved.

I remember all the evenings Da and i would go out to the barbeque grills at the Grove and cook. Those were the times where i wouldn't have to hear about cars and gearhead stuff. We would just talk about you, or Maya, or Rachel and U'i or whatever else was important. Those were the times where he and i really connected. Talking about the females in our lives... and how much we loved them.

I know this is hard on you Ma, i am crying as i write it, but you have been an amazing person concerning your life choices and your dedication to all those disabled people you have helped to have a better life. You even married one. Da loved you immensely and you could always see it in his face and hear it in his voice. And i love you as well... i couldn't ask for a better mother.

Sleepless in Kaneohe

Today the last of David's items went out the door.  All week I have been going through his stuff, throwing away papers no longer needed,  saving little trinkets for my kids, the grandkids, a few friends.  My feelings were strange as I tossed, deleted, sorted, donated and distributed stuff.  Part of me felt like I was throwing away my husband's life.........

Going through his computer,  thousands of pictures of cars, mostly older cars,  he called himself a gearhead,  cars were his passion.  No wonder his computer ran so slow, with all those car pictures on it.  His email buddies were always sending him pictures, of their roadsters, of races they had been in, pictures of their first cars, cars shows they attended........ pictures of pictures they collected...pictures of parts of cars, why these interested him, I have no idea, I could not name half of what they were.  That was just on the computer.....

Boxes we had in the closet, old car magazines.  Not too many of these left, we had sold most of his extensive collection on ebay in years past.  These sales had helped pay our bills.  A small box of 8 x 10 black and white pictures, maybe 200 in total, but original pictures of famous race cars.  I had talked David out of selling these, I knew he had this particular collection since he was 14.  His best friend's father had been an illustrator for car magazines,  doing "centerfolds" of famous cars of the 40's and 50's.  These photos were the photos he used to draw his illustrations for magazines like Car and Driver,  Rod and Custom, etc.  Some of them even had the magazine name stamped on the back.  They are pictures of not just the outside of the car, but also the underside, the engine, etc.   Views that car nuts love, but which look pretty useless to the rest of us.  Back when we were selling off other parts of his car stuff collections I had suggested he scan these photos and sell prints of them.  So he could keep these originals.  So...I've got that box and one of these days I will sell them.  I know they are worth some money, we made a few bucks off the prints and people were always asking if they could buy our originals.  So, that is a project I will set out on,  I know some gearheads are going to be very happy.  Maybe they will cherish these things, call them "Dave's car stuff".  

Another of his passions was radio stuff.  Walkie talkie, cb, ham radio, other stuff I don't know.  I have things he bought and I have no idea what they are, how much they are worth, but I will sell them too.  A model ship he hadn't built yet, still in the box.  He was waiting to have enough money to buy a radio controlled motor for it.  So, I'll be selling that. Its a model not made any more, that company only sells radio controlled car stuff now, no more boats.  

Jewelry he had.  Cufflinks from when he had to wear 3 piece suits to work, along with the tie tacks.  Most of those had been sold in years past, but I found a box with what must have been some favorites.  He had some rings, one with pot leaves on it. Looks like gold to me.  Some old watches,  some still run,  these are the windup ones,  the quartz ones probably still run too, just need batteries.   Some I will sell, some I will give to my kids and the grandkids.   


All the furniture is gone, the hospital bed, the hoyer lift, the hospital bedside table, the shower chair, the manual chair, the special desk with legs that were adjustable so his wheelchair could fit under.  The reachers, the blood pressure cuff..all of it donated.  My mom wanted me to sell this stuff, but it felt like blood money to me.

 David would have wanted someone in need to get this stuff.  We knew how hard it was for someone on a fixed income to come up with the co-pays for this stuff, or to have to buy it outright.  There are needy people out there and I know we would have appreciated having this stuff donated to us when we struggled to find the money for things he NEEDED.  Not wanted, but NEEDED.  So all of that stuff I donated.  

The  home health nurse who came over with  a big truck said her patients would be so grateful.  They could not afford the  co-pay of $2000 to get a $10,000 power wheelchair or  have the money to shell out for a hoyer lift or a hospital bed.  All stuff David had to have and we paid for out of our pockets.  Maybe the guy getting the power wheelchair will call it "Dave's chair".  I know he will be happy to have it, it will mean new freedom to him, a bit of independence for someone who cannot manually wheel himself around anymore, who has to be pushed everywhere.  I remember when David got his first power chair, how he felt independent, how he could go to the store on his own.  How he "picked up" our grand daughter from school.  Things he could not do in his manual chair any more.  Some other person will get that manual chair that we hung onto just in case we went somewhere that a power wheelchair could not get into, someplace not in  ADA compliance.   Even a manual wheelchair costs a couple of grand.  The cushion on his power chair was special, made of gel so he wouldn't get pressure sores, that cushion was over $500.  The home health nurse was so grateful for that, said she has a man who really needs that cushion.  All of it, she thanked me and thanked me.  We both cried.  She tried to give me a little money but I didn't want it, I knew David was seeing all of his things going to someone in need and he was smiling, happy to help.
Today, Sunday, we are having a memorial for him at his favorite beach.  This place has sidewalks going through the park, so he could get around.  We will throw leis into the surf, say goodbye.  My daughter asked me if I knew what I was going to say...I don't know, it will come to me.  My grand daughter, U'i, informed us that she has prepared a speech.  I'm sure it will be a doozie.  She has been writing about her Papa for the past two weeks.   Just 7, but already so eloquent,  I've cried when reading everything she has written.   After the memorial....what are we left with?  Just memories.  My heart is sad, but I'm so fortunate to have had over 12 years with this man.  I miss him so much already and cannot imagine never hearing him call out...."Sweets....." again.

"Nana, you can't watch Toy Story 3"

 "Toy story 3 is a very bad movie", U'ilani informed us.
"Ok, U'i why is Toy Story 3 a bad movie?"  I replied.   "They say swear words in it", U'i answered.  Rachel and I looked at each in confusion.  What kind of swear words would be in a movie rated G. 
I was curious, I had to know.  "U'i what swear words did they say in that movie?".
U'i whispered her answer,  "They said the "a" word."

Now I was really confused...."The "A" word?".
"Yeah, they said A blank cot."
Rachel and I were still confounded...a cot.....omg....ascot!

We are still laughing.  Good to know our 7 year old is protecting the world from horrible swear words!

RIP David

We jokingly called him Hell on Wheels.  I miss him so much already.
Love you always, Sweetie.
The following is what someone at the Army museum where David volunteered wrote....thank you, Fran:

David Baumgardner was formally designated a US Army Volunteer on February 3, 2010. His official duty was security officer. This is the first time a volunteer had been assigned the duty as a security officer. The results were outstanding, and best of all, David enjoyed doing it. Expertly cruising along in his motorized wheelchair, he was often seen patrolling the museum to keep an eye on things. He counted the weapons on display, and kept a watchful eye on anyone who he felt looked suspicious. On several occasions he had to tell kids to be mindful of where they were and to keep their voices low. He was so vigilant he was even able to hear coughing of the occasional ghost reputed to haunt the dark halls and crannies of Battery Randolph. He could reproduce that cough very well, as those of volunteers who also heard it can testify.







David was born in Los Gatos, California on December 27, 1941. As a small child in the mid 1940’s, he contracted polio which confined him to a wheelchair for the remainder of his life. This did not stop him from having a full life in the workforce. After spending many years in California and Atlanta, Georgia, David retired as a Genzyme Medical manager and moved with his wife, Cat, to Hawaii to be near his grandchildren. All of us were inspired by his optimistic and humorous outlook on life, and not least, his smiling face—something which no doubt contributed to his looking much younger than 68! David was especially fond of cats. He owned many over the years, and was often regaling the other volunteers with stories about them. David passed away on October 26, 2010.






David, when we hear more unexplained coughing in the museum, we will have to wonder…

He didn't read the fine print.......

More bad news today. There is no life insurance money. David never read the fine print that gave him 120 days to convert his life insurance at work to a personal policy when he retired. He went to his grave thinking he had left me with life insurance and there is none.
Pulling up my bootstraps....starting over from zero....the good news is that I only have to wait 5 1/2 years to be 60 and collect his Social Security. I will get more from that than he did as I get to collect on my first husband's SS too, since we were married more than 10 years. Meanwhile, I've got that whopping $255 check for funeral expenses coming from SS.
Remembering Uncle Chuck's words...."What happens in life can make you either bitter or better." I'm going to opt for the better, gotta keep reminding myself. I did hit the "anger" stage of the grieving process today, I will admit.

Walking through quicksand

Tomorrow will be a week. Tomorrow David's body is cremated. Today I started to sort through his things. Giving some things away, tossing out other things. Keeping a few cherished items. I'm not done, but I got a good start.
I feel as though I can barely lift one foot in front of the other. The nights are the worst. It is so quiet. Too quiet. I turned off the satellite tv. I never watched it anyway, but the sound was always there at night, as David loved his tv. All those cops shows, and the car shows. History channel. Stuff I would never pick to watch. But I heard it. And he was always saying, "Sweets, did you see that?" Of course I hadn't seen whatever it was, because I was on the computer or reading a book or doing some project. But I was there in the room with him and the tv. Now it is quiet. Soooo quiet. I could put music on, but every bit of music we own, David picked out. What I have listened to is worse than the quiet. Too many memories wrapped around each song. I'm selling the tv. I didn't watch tv most of my life, didn't even own one for at least 5 years before I met David.
Meanwhile, I try to slog thru the quicksand. In the quiet. I never knew how much this hurt for other people. I've never lost someone that I saw every day. Sure, friends and relatives have died....but those were distant deaths, I didn't live close to those people, I didn't see them, smell them, hear them every day. I haven't worked for 10 years. Spent a few years on the road with David, in our motorhome, going across the US. Then he had back surgery 4 years ago. Since then I have been with him.....24/7.....365 days a year. But I wasn't there when he fell forward and couldn't get up and suffocated. I wasn't there.

Stuck Part 2

After getting out of the iron lung, plus many months ( actually years) in rehabilation, little David learned to walk with braces and crutches. He had steel and leather braces that went all the way up his body to just under his armpits. He could only use these contraptions for a few hours a day, as they were very heavy and cumbersome, especially for a little child. David spent the rest of his days in a wheelchair. He wasn't able to go to a public school until he was in 7th grade. Numerous hospitalizations, surgeries and extensive therapy, caused him to be stuck at home or in the hospital with various tutors. Finally the day came when he was allowed to go to school. The school board had wanted him to go to a special school, one that catered to children with developmental disabilites, mainly mental retardation. David's mom fought for him to be mainstreamed into a regular school. She had to prove he was up to grade level in all subjects and basically that there was nothing wrong with his brain, just with his body. David always spoke highly of his mother, declaring she was his hero and champion, that she had made him feel that he could overcome anything and that he deserved to be treated like anyone else.

Upon entering school, David faced many challenges. Wearing his braces became more trouble than they were worth. To go to the bathroom required assistance from a couple of people to remove the braces which were not just covering his legs but his lower torso. Often he would fall and getting him up entailed finding help from several people. At age 12 David chose to live the remainder of his life in a wheelchair as it actually gave him more mobility and independence than the braces. At first David's parents fought him on this decision but after conferring with his doctors, his teachers and friends, they saw the wisdom of his decision. His legs would never develop muscles, he would never be able to stand, or walk without the extensive braces, which were getting heavier with each growth spurt in order to support his weight. David moved on from being stuck in the braces, to being permanently stuck in a wheelchair.

Life in the wheelchair did not slow my husband down. He was very popular in Jr. High and High School. An excellent student, a reporter for the school newspaper, an artist, the ultimate gearhead and an all around nice guy. When the March of Dimes asked him to give a speech at his school to help raise funds for polio research, David gave such a moving speech that his small school in Los Gatos, California became famous for the amount of money raised from one student body. The kids emptied their pockets of their allowances, their lunch money and organized fundraisers. That school raised more money per capital than any other school in America.....all due to the words from the heart of a guy stuck in a wheelchair.

To be continued..............

Stuck

Do you know what it is like to really be stuck? Helpless, unable to get yourself out of a place or a situation ? I want to write a book about my husband and I'm going to title it Stuck....because that word sums up so much of his life. Not always in a bad way, sometimes it was good, but often it was difficult and ultimately it was the cause of his death. I hadn't looked at David's perspective of life from that point of view of being stuck until I told my son about the way David died.

Jason (also known as Boddhi) had a close bond with Da. That is what my kids called David...Da, sort of a cross between Dad and David. David was their step-father, my second husband. He never had any children of his own and was thrilled to have a ready made family. He was there for the births of our first two grandchildren and truly felt that he was their Papa.

Anyway, back to being stuck. David had polio as a child. He was not quite 5 when he contracted polio, it affected him from head to toe. David spent an entire year in an iron lung. He was stuck in that contraption and was only allowed to view his parents through a window. At that time polio was considered very contagious and anyone with polio was put in quarantine. The only people allowed to touch a polio victim was a nurse or doctor. They would change their clothes and scrub themselves before leaving the room. And a little 5 year old kid would just gaze at them from a machine that breathed for him. I can't even imagine the terror and loneliness that must have been for that little boy. But David survived. Eventually he was able to breathe on his own. All the therapy that he received had gone to his upper body, to enable him to breathe, to use his arms. After a year, his little legs were atrophied beyond help. He would never stand or walk on his again.
To be continued...............

We met face to face 12 years ago today

I stepped off the plane in Atlanta, my heart racing, finally I would have a face to go with that voice. I scanned the crowd, looking for the yellow and black power wheelchair. Nope, I couldn't see him. I thought to myself that maybe he was stuck in traffic. So I took a seat and waited, and waited, and waited. This was in the time before everyone carried a cell phone. I tried calling his house from the payphone. There was no answer. I knew he said he would meet me at the gate but I had already waited an hour. Where could he be?

Maybe he meant for me to meet him at baggage? The Heartsfield Airport is huge, you have to get to baggage by catching a train. I got on, and made my way to baggage, picked up my two huge suitcases containing the contents of my life. Ok, this was totally crazy, I admit that. I was here in Atlanta, shutting a door on my past, to be with someone I had met over the internet and where was he? I didn't know a soul in Atlanta. I had no money to speak of, David had sent me a plane ticket. One way. What the heck HAD I BEEN THINKING? My mind racing....was he in an accident? Had he somehow changed his mind? Oh my god.......

I decided to go outside, wait near the street. Maybe I could see his van circling the airport. That new/used van he had told me about getting just YESTERDAY. I had seen the pictures of it on my computer. Dark blue, raised roof, wheelchair lift and they had outfitted it so he could drive from his wheelchair, without having to transfer to a driver's seat. I sat outside....looking, looking. Trying to breathe slowly, not panic. It was past two hours since I landed....suddenly I looked up. There he was! A huge smile on that beautiful face....a bouqet of yellow roses in his hands.....those incredible brown eyes with a twinkle in them, his wheelchair racing towards me. His apologies, explanations....how he had been trapped in the lockdown for the wheelchair in that new van...somehow they had wired it incorrectly and the manual release was something he could not reach. How finally he had been able to stop some old man walking to his car in the handicapped parking area. How he had arrived almost two hours early, had been trapped in that van for 4 hours, trying to find a way to get out. Worried sick about me getting off the plane and not finding him there.

Hugs, kisses, caressing each other's faces.......we had fallen in love in a chat room, on the phone, in our snail mail and email, we had waited, planned for 8 months...and at last......

The face to go with that incredible radio announcer voice. At last. I've never looked back,.... we were meant for each other and have been together for these past 12 years.....today I go to the mortuary to make arrangements for his cremation.

My Husband David died today

David died today. I went out for a couple of hours and when I came home I found him in his wheelchair leaning forward, like he fell. When I pulled him up straight his face was black, his skin was cold and he was not breathing and had no pulse. Whatever happened, it was quick. I think he might have dropped his phone and tried to pick it up with his reacher and maybe fell forward too far. He would have been on the floor if he had not had a seat belt on. I know he could not have pulled himself upright, he was not strong enough to do that. I'm sad that he died alone, though we were only gone for a couple of hours. I'm in shock. David was 68 years old.

Song and poem from the mind of a 7 year old

U'iLani is my grand daughter, she is 7. She has been writing songs and poetry since she was 2, before she could even read. Here are a couple of things she wrote this week. Spelling is hers. All ideas are from her little mind, she just writes them on her own, usually when she is supposed to be sleeping.
Hollows Eve
1. Hollows Eve is when the kids come out and the vampiors.
2. Hollows Eve is inpotent. The Hollows are swaying in the wind.
3. The ravans are cawing and so are the crows.
4. HOLLOWS EVE!

Chamber of Love
He's sitting arownd doing nothing and I asked baby is there something rong? with you
He ses no, I say back to him are you in the Chamber of love? with someone else
he ses no, no I am not
I say to him do you know even know what is the Chamber of love?
And he ses no.
I say back to him well it is a prosses.
First you have to go meet someone then go on a date affter that you go though the Chamber of love then you merry! And it will be a hapily ever affter. And that is the Chamber of love.
Chamber, chamber, chamber baby, chamber of love!
Just like I am in the Chamber of love with you and your in the chamber of love with me! And he says if your in the chamber of love like us were going to get merred? And I said yes! And were never going to get devorsed are we? And he says no. Chamber of love, chamber of love, chamber of love!

Crazy kids

My dad was in the military and we were lucky enough to get to travel. We spent 6 years in Naples, Italy and upon returning to the USA, we lived in several different places.

One family tradition (I can call it a tradition if I want to) was that every time my dad had any time off from work, we would pack up the car and off we would go. Now, there were five kids and one of the cool things my parents always did, was that any trip we took, one of us kids would get to bring a friend along. We took turns doing this, and between your last turn and your next turn, it was so much fun deciding which lucky friend would get to go along.



These trips were not just your average ride to a park. We would go camping and fishing and visiting some New place. My parents are both gypsies at heart and thanks to all our many, many trips, the five of us kids are gypsies too. We always had a station wagon and we would pack it up and take off. First we had tents but later we upgraded to having a pop-up tent camper that we towed along. Much later we upgraded to a motorhome. My parents got to sleep in the motorhome and we kids would set up our tents.


I realize now how fortunate I am that my parents loved traveling. As a kid, living in Italy, I saw most of Europe, except the countries behind the Iron Curtain. My dad's military clearance prevented him and our family from going in those areas. We went to castles, museums, parks, art galleries, and on and on. If you watch a movie showing some scene in Europe, whether it is Italy, Germany, France, Spain, Austria, etc, etc. I've probably been there and seen that in person. I've been the Vactican, seen the Statue of David, rode a gondola thru King Leopold's Blue Grotto in his Palace, seen the Louvre, strolled the sands of beaches in Spain, toured the camps in Dachau, hiked in the Alps in Switzerland, skiied on Zuitspikke in Bavaria, and countless other trips. Upon returning to America, we spent my dad's time off camping in nearly every national park, state park, county park and even private parks and we visited all of the lower 48 states. I've now seen every state except Alaska and visited several foreign countries including traveling extensively in both Canada and Mexico. I am soooo lucky.

We kids were good travelers. We knew that my dad would pull over on the side of the road and we would get it (more threats than actual spankings but enough spankings to make us fear the threat) so we rarely fought. Instead we played games. One of our favorite games was something we made up that we called Forfeit.

Now, I know this game is alot like other games, but we kids thought it our own personal invention. The person who is IT, gets to think of a question. Any real question, and whoever is picked to answer the question must do so within 2 minutes (dutifully timed). If they fail to answer or have the wrong answer, they have a Forfeit.

The IT person picks the Forfeit. It can be anything as long as someone doesn't get hurt. Forfeit earned me my first tongue kiss, with my brother Steve's best friend Jay. Forfeit earned my brother John a toe licked clean by my littlest sister Jeanette. Forfeit earned my sister Rebecca many games that she was required to play without quitting. Rebecca was never one to want to play a game for very long, so she would usually quit just when we were most involved. Forfeit earned my Brother Steve many hours of being someone's personal slave. Forfeiet earned my friend Patty the pleasure of being tickled half out of her mind. Forfeit earned us all many fart smellings, snacks being given to others, homework help, chores being turned over to someone else, and a really good use of our imaginations to find the perfect devious Forfeit. I can't even recall how many times we played this game, but I remember hours and hours of car travel time melting away as we wracked our brains for questions and consequences. The hardest part of the game was to become the person who was IT. This was accomplished only by being able to answer a question correctly. We had to actually draw cards, high card wins to be the one who was IT first. Sometimes one person was IT for hours so later we had to institute a new rule that you could only be IT for a total of 5 questions, then IT would be the person who had picked the next highest card.

I can remember clearly the Forfeits, but I can hardly recall the questions. I know sometimes they were ridiculous, like how could I know what my brother John's fifth period teacher's name was? Or what an oscilliscope was for? Or who my sister Jeanette had punched in the arm at recess last week? We did learn many interesting facts that later came in handy when playing Trivial pursuit, so that was a great bonus to Forfeit. PLUS all the gossipy things, like who was the first girl my brother Steve had mooned, or how much Rebecca's friend Andrea's father made, or who had dared my sister Jeanette to eat ants (which she DID!).

One memorable Forfeit game ended up actually giving our family a new tradition. It was near winter time. We lived in Colorado at the time and we were on the way home from visiting my Grandmother who lived in New York. My parents often let us miss school for up to two weeks at a time for our family trips. We had to take along our school work and a favorite Forfeit was having someone do your homework for you.

This was one of those trips, not an actual school break, but a break for us. I think it was at the end of October or the beginning of November. We were nearly home and it began to snow as we were playing our Forfeit game. My brother John was IT. He asked some question, I don't remember what it was. This was a GROUP question, a refinement to our game where the whole group was asked something and if no one could answer the whole group got the Forfeit. Sure enough, none of us could answer whatever question John threw out there. We awaited our Forfeit with dread, hoping we would not have to sniff his armpit or spit shine his shoes or have to re-cover his school books with brown paper bags, or clean his room.

John was inspired by the snowfall. He declared that upon arriving at home, we would have to take off our socks and shoes and run to the top of the hill in our back yard. BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW! The yard was about 1/2 acre and we had to run to the top of the hill and back down in that snow.



We loved it! It became a family tradition for us kids to do that on the first snowfall every year. When my parents went back to Europe after I got married, I rented the house from them. My own children carried on the BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW tradition! They also learned to play Forfeit.



The last time all 5 of us kids were together at my parent's house, it was Christmas time. We 5 and my 3 kids and my brother John's daughter and my brother Steve's son all ran up the hill BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW. We also played a few rounds of Forfeit! I'm ready to teach my grandkids our crazy Forfeit game and I can't wait for the next family reunion at my parent's house so we can go BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW!