Gift for my brother....who has everything, but not a pig!

John, my oldest brother is quite wealthy. He has a daughter named Jennifer and a wife named Jane. The women in my brother's family used to be real snobs. They thought their chit didn't stink and they were always trying to show how they were better than anyone else. They have changed over the years and are now nice women, but a few years back, it was a different story.

Jane and Jennifer took up horse riding. My brother bought them horses. Jane couldn't just ride a horse, she had to go in for English riding, with her jodhophurs, and side saddle, and all that pomp and circumstance, she looked liked she was going after the foxes. Her horses were all registered quarter horses or something like that. Something impressive. Jennifer had an apaloosa pony. They called them spotted shetlands I believe. An expensive and impressive registered breed.

I lived in Hawaii at the time and my brother and his family lived in Washington State. My best friend here in Hawaii is named Barb. She and I used to travel ALOT to go to trade shows for the business she and her husband had here in Hawaii, which was a camping store that also sold guns, ammunition, etc. Barb had met my brother and his wife and we used to talk stink about Jane and Jennifer because those two were not very nice to my brother. How they could be mean to someone as easy going and generous as he is, is beyond me, but like I said, their chit didn't stink. Anyway, we kept hearing all about the REGISTERED animals Jane and Jennifer had and Barb and I thought John needed a REGISTERED animal of his own. Now, John is not like that. He doesn't care for pomp and circumstance, but we thought we would give him some.

Barb and I were in Reno, NV for a trade show. We met this dealer who sold pot-bellied pigs when he wasn't dealing cards. We were going to drive from Reno to Washington to see my brother and his family and to meet up with my parents, who were going to be there too, they were coming in their motorhome.

Barb and I went out to the dealer's ranch and we got John this cute little pot-bellied pig. It had a harness and leash and everything. We had her name registered, we named her in honor of my sister-in-law.....the pig was named Tita Kini (pronounced KEE NEE). This is an Hawaiian name and it translates to Bitch Jane.

We put Tita Kini in a cat carrier for the ride to Washington. We were going to drive straight thru, I think it was like a 12 hour drive and we set out early in the afternoon, expecting to drive all night and arrive the next morning. All went well, until the little pig stunk up the car when she defecated. So we drove to a grocery store and bought some baby wipes. Barb and I pulled up in an alley not far from the grocery store. I put the little harness on the sweet little pig and my job was to hold the pig while Barb wiped its little butt. WELLLLLLLLLLL...........we opened the cage and the pig bolted. I hung on for dear life to the harness and leash. The pig SQUEALED and omg, we were so scared that we were going to get arrested. That little thing was so loud and it sounded like it was a child being tortured to death. It was awful. I was laughing so hard, that the pig nearly got away from me. They are STRONG. Barb wiped its butt, wiped out the cat carrier and we stuffed that pig back in there and took off like bats out of hell. We were sure some cop would be hot on our tails. We drove the rest of the night and decided that if the pig pooped or peed, it would just have to stay there. We got to my brother's town around 6am.

John had told us to call him when we got there and he would meet us at a diner that was easy to find and then he would lead us back to his farm. It was way out in the boonies and really hard to find. So, we called him and he met us for breakfast and we showed him his little REGISTERED pig. He was in love with that cute little thing, love at first sight. We told John NOT to let the pig out of the carrier when we got to his house. To put the carrier in a stall in the barn and let the pig get used to that before letting her out. We WARNED HIM.

Well, when we got to the farm, everyone was still asleep. My parents out in their Motorhome, and Jane and Jennifer in the house. Mom and Dad heard us drive up and came out to see us. John was so proud of Tita Kini that he decided he was going to take her for a little walk. He hooked up the leash to the harness and opened that cat carrier. Tita Kini SQUEALED and bolted. John hung on for dear life and that pig just kept on SQUEALING. The registered horses came bolting out of the barn. Jane and Jennifer came bolting out of the house.

Barb and I were NOT on Jane and Jennifer's good list. I was NO LONGER the favorite Auntie. Those two never did like Tita Kini. John loved her. After all, he finally had his own REGISTERED animal!