What a day, and THANK YOU!

Today has been interesting. I just got a package in the mail, from RosesTex, and the blogging family with a beautiful soy candle and piece of candy with Chaps store name and a lovely card. Thank you to all. I don't even have Chap's email, so if anyone can help me with that it would be much appreciated.

On facebook today, I got two friend invites from people I had lost contact with over 20 years ago! What a shock. One friend had even named her first daughter after me and that daughter just got married yesterday. I didn't even know about her. WOW.

My dad had cyberknife treatment for his lung cancer. The last treatment was last week. He will get a CAT scan and a PET scan in two months and hopefully that is the last of that cancer. He is feeling tired, and very cold inside, but that is normal with this kind of radiation. The good thing is there is no cutting. It is all done with a fancy laser. I'm so grateful that he was a candidate for this treatment as one oncologist told my mom that my dad would not have survived traditional surgery where they remove a lobe of the lung. He actually told my mother that there was not a doctor he knew who would have performed that surgery on an 81 year old man who had already had cancer and part of a lung removed. So, MANY, MANY, MANY, thanks for your prayers.

Kat

Went to the ebay blogs, and they are gone, but I thought they were there until AFTER Oct. 31

I just went to the ebay blogs and they are gone already. I didn't get a chance to finish saying goodbye or finish reading my favorite bloggers. The end of a nice era. I'm thankful for the time I had there. The friends I actually made. There were good times and bad, but I have actual friends that I would never have had without the ebay blogs. Lots of good people who have stood by me and laughed and cried with me over good times and sad times. Thanks ebay for what you gave. Sorry that you took them away, but I'm still grateful for what I had.
Kat

Cancer....I HATE that word

It it time for us to find a real cure. Enough of that cursed word already.
Jason has a bumper sticker that says F_CK CANCER, except it is spelled out. I agree. Right now two of the men most important in my life have that curse. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Not a good day, but trying to find something positive

My mom just called. My dad has lung cancer. Again. He had lung cancer 15 years ago and lost half of one lung. Now the other lung has cancer. They will operate and remove one lobe of his lung. I'm so scared. He is 81. Other than the other cancer he has always been in good health. He doesn't have a grey hair on his head, he looks like he is about 55-60, everyone thinks my mom is his mother, not his wife. I last saw Dad almost 2 years ago, for some reason at that time I had the feeling it was the last time I would ever see him. This past summer he had a gallbladder operation, at that time they first thought he was having a heart attack, but it wasn't one, it was a gall bladder attack. I was scared then too. It turned out ok. I am just hoping and praying this scare will turn out ok. They found this cancer thru routine tests, not from any symptoms. Please, God, spare my dad again, I'm not ready for him to go home to You.

Death Sentence

Oct. 2, 2006. Seems like a long time ago in some respects and in other ways it seems like yesterday. That phone call. Jason, my middle child, second son. At the time he was just 31 years old. He had just had a call from the doctor. The doctor wanted him to come in to his office and talk about some test results. Jason said he wasn't going to go in, that the doctor could tell him on the phone. The doctor insisted, but my stubborn son refused and the doctor told him. Jason called to tell me that he had just gotten a death sentence. Glioblastoma multi-forme. He spelled it for me. I didn't know what it was. Jason said it was a tumor, in his brain. Inoperable. The doctor said it had been there awhile, that it was huge. The doctor told Jason that he had somewhere between 6 months and 18 months left to live.

It has been 3 years today. Part of me is still in shock. I still can't write or see that word, glioblastoma multi-forme, without my stomach sinking and my heart aching. I don't know why Jason is still alive. He looks and sounds better today than he has in years. We had many scares. Seizures, blackouts, hallucinations, huge weight loss. The fear that he would just commit suicide to spare anyone from having to care for him. Many, many tears shed by many friends and family. The prayers...from people who told me they are NOT in the habit of praying.

Jason tried a few strange remedies. I had some raw gold, he took one of the nuggets and kept it in his mouth for months. Gold is supposed to have healing properties. There was something about a cure from..... baking soda. I don't know what you do with it, and I don't know if he tried it. I do know that he seems better. He still has horrible headaches. He has some other form of cancer growing on the edges of his ears, something that looks sort of like califlour. He won't get them removed.

Jason thinks any touch of a scapel will cause his tumor to grow out of control. I don't know if he is right, but it is his life, his decision.

He applied to Harvard medical to be in a case study, but after the intial contact, we never heard from them again. Who knows why, maybe it was just not meant to be.

I know I am happy to have this borrowed time. I look at life different. I know that actually ALL time is borrowed time and we can't waste any of it. That doesn't mean to work to death, you CAN sit on a beach and enjoy the sunset and that is not a waste. I know that since that call, I do what I can to make the dreams that I have had come true. That is why I am back in Hawaii. I worked to make that desire come true, before it was too late. Jason travels....alot. He has reconnected to many friends that he had lost touch with. He works, still tattooing, still painting, still calling me late at night with his lastest philosophical thoughts. We laugh, we cry, we remember, but most of all we are thankful. The death sentence hasn't been repealed, but there is a reprieve. I just hope it lasts a long, long time.

If you are one of the prayers, or gave me support or encouragement, I want to thank you. Your virtual hugs, your phone calls, your prayers have meant more to my family than we can ever say. THANK YOU.

Kat

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok, I feel better now. Just arggghhhhhhing about all the new stuff I have to learn. Bonanzle, link referral, google base, the new ebay stuff, multiply.com, facebook, and on and on. I get in these new areas and I am like a blind person, stumbling around, trying to figure out what I am doing. The bad thing is, that I get side-tracked, sucked into things I don't need to be doing....like GAMES, or signing up to get email notifications of blogs that I am not that interested in reading, and I don't exactly know how I signed up for them, but suddenly my email is FILLED with emails for every posting anyone does and I don't know how to stop them! AND, I am getting all these friend requests, from people I don't even know, but they act like they know me! It is weird. How do they know me? Did they read my ebay blogs and just never comment? Or are they neighbors peering thru my open curtains? I am afraid to turn down the friend requests. It might just be someone I was best friends with in some other life. It MIGHT be that lady I lent a $100 to and she suddenly has had an attack of conscience and wants to pay me back, with INTEREST. It could be my sister's best friend's brother's wife's cousin twice removed and she needs a bone marrow donor and somehow she just knows I can help her. Or it could be that person that will let me move up to the next level in Mafia Wars if they sign up as a friend and join my mafia! I don't know, so of course I accept their friendship. Then, I have a gazillion MORE emails, that I haven't got the time to read, but feel really guilty about just deleting. So I save all that email for some day when I have time to open them. No wonder I never get my own blogs written.
Today Hubby and I went to our grand-daughter's school for lunch. It was actually pretty good. Turkey pastrami sandwiches, french fries, salad (with the BEST dressing, I need that receipe), cookies, grape juice and a banana. Her school did a fund raiser the past two weeks, inviting friends and family for lunch with the kids. U'iLani was thrilled that we came, her face lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw us sitting at the guest tables with our trays. We got to go thru the line early and just wait for the kids to come after getting our food. This was my second lunch with her, I went last week too. Her mom took off work on Friday to go too. We got to hear knock knock jokes and talk about what she did at recess........according to U'i, all the kids were robbing her, and ganging up on her and she had to outrun EVERYONE and she won! I still am not sure what that was all about, as I could not hear half of what she said with all the other kids talking around us. It was fun, but very LOUD. It was an almost painless way to raise extra money for books, and computers, etc. as they just charged $4.50 for each adult lunch, we could have spent more than that at McDonald's and not as nutritious.
Well, I'm off to get some dinner ready and watch the sunset. In Hawaii the sun sets around 6:30 - 7:00 pm year round. We usually eat dinner outside and enjoy the onset of dusk. Have a good night! I know I will.
Kat

Ok, trying something new, excuse the mess while I am under construction

Dad sure scared us this weekend

Saturday morning, the day before Father's Day, my mom calls me. Ok, that worries me right there, because my mom DOES NOT CALL, her five kids are expected to call her. Now she has a cell phone that my oldest brother bought and pays for. It is on his family plan. This brother is a millionaire. Literally, several times over in fact. But my mom won't use the cell phone because she doesn't want to cost John any money. I am sure the thing is a business write off for him and that he has that plan with unlimited minutes, but mom won't use the phone and she expects all her other not rich kids to use their minutes and money to call her. By the way, mom can afford all this herself but lets just say that when it comes to pinching pennies, Mom is right up there with the best of the penny pinchers.
Ok, back to my story. Mom calls. She is at the emergency room with my Dad. Dad started having severe chest pains. Mom called an ambulance, moved ALL of her knickknacks and furniture out of the way so the paramedics can get in her crowded house and to my dad. Of course, she now has a backache, because my mom doesn't do that kind of stuff. She makes my dad do it or my two sons, who live near her. The paramedics check Dad, give him nitro gyclerin and take him to the hospital with the lights flashing and the siren blaring.
Mom and Dad live on a cul-de-sac, on a two block long street. They have lived in that house since 1966. Nearly every neighbor has lived there at least that long or longer. As soon as the ambulance gets there, 90% of the neighbors arrive. Supposedly to offer my mom a ride to the hospital as she doesn't drive. But actually they are all curious. They know my dad turns 81 in August and he is high on the neighborhood lottery to be the next one to die. This is typical, the whole neighborhood knows your business, whether you want them to or not.
Mom gets a ride to the hospital with a neighbor whose first husband left in an ambulance years ago, with chest pains. He was young. He was a cop. They had a teen age daughter. They had two, but one died the year before with a brain anuerism, she was the first person I ever knew that died. Anyway, the cop never came home. I remember his face being black.
When Mom called she said that my dad's color was bad. She was definitely scared. She said that Dad was already in the operating room getting an angiogram. Mom was freaking out about that, said it is a dangerous test, that it can kill you. She said that she had to sign papers that if they found anything, they could do surgery right then.
So.....that was the day before Father's day. I am left wondering if I will have a Dad on Father's day. I call my kids, the rest of my siblings that mom hasn't called yet, including my sister who lives in Thailand. We wait.
Ok, Mom calls back a couple of hours later. GOOD NEWS. Dad's heart is fine. Perfectly fine. But they don't know what caused the chest pain. The bad color. They don't know why the symptoms responded to nitro glycerin when it was not his heart. So, we wait some more while more tests are run.
Father's Day. I call the hospital. GOOD NEWS. It turns out that Dad has gall stones. Never had a single symptom before that chest pain. They can operate. He will be ok. I talk to Dad. Dad says he had to go to the hospital because it was the only way he could be sure that all of his kids would call him on Father's day. This is Dad's humor, because not one of the 5 kids he has has EVER missed calling him on Father's Day.
Anyway, I am grateful. Dad is still around. He had surgery on Monday. He is fine. Tomorrow he goes home. I'm hoping he will be around next Father's Day too. I'm grateful for every day he is with us because 10 years ago he had lung cancer and lost one lung. Even his doctors do not know he lived thru that one. He spent 3 weeks in intensive care, had to have 27 pints of blood. He had 3 major operations in 12 hours, the lung, a bladder operation because he had blood clots from the lung removal, and then an artery blew in his chest after the bladder operation.
I guess Dad is a survivor. Everytime we think he is down for the count, he rallies. I think he doesn't want to leave my mom alone, he thinks she can't live without him. I suspect he is right. So, for now, Dad didn't lose the neighborhood death lottery.
LOVE you Dad, thanks for beating the odds once again.
Kat, your #1 daughter

School is OUT! Yesterday was the last day for 6 weeks

Well, it is that time of year again, summer break. U'iLani had her last day of school yesterday. She came home with oodles of awards. Time to brag. My brilliant kindergarten graduate can read, and was the top reader in her class. She had the honor of being able to throw a pie at the principal along with all the other top readers for her grade school. She got a gold medal with a book embossed on it. She had a perfect attendance award, along with a certificate good for a personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. She got an award for having one of her art projects displayed at the State Capitol. She also happened to get her full orange belt in Karate last night. Along with the new belt, she got her first Karate weapon and is starting weapons training today. The weapon is a bow, a sort of javelin like stick basically. She has had some training with the bow, and is a natural at maneuvering it around which is why her Sensei suggested she train with weapons. She is the only 6 year old they have ever had that will be doing full on weapons training. I am so proud of that kid!

What Happens in Waikiki, Stays in Waikiki

Well.....I had a wonderful weekend in Waikiki allll by my lonesome. It was so cool. I wandered the streets at night, I ate steak and shrimp. I lounged in bed with books. I sat at the beach and watched the waves. I went from club to club listening to various types of live music. I flirted. I took lots and lots of showers with super high powered water pressure. I ate breakfast on the beach. I got tanner. I RELAXED. I didn't do a single thing for anybody, just MYSELF. This really was the best birthday present ever. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I LOVED IT!
Now, the best thing is.......something happened to me at the hotel. There was a short in my bedside lamp. I got shocked. Not a little shock, but the kind that knocks you off the bed. So, I reported this to the front desk. They told me they would send up maintenance. The lamp was replaced. The maintenance guy got shocked turning off the lamp and unplugging it. He told me to write this incident up on one of those little cards that you fill out to say how your stay was. My stay was wonderful and I was very pleased with how quick they came and replaced the lamp. I said all that on the card. Today I got an email from the management of the hotel/resort I stayed in. They told me to contact them because they would like to ACCOMODATE me on my next trip. So, I am going to get another hotel stay. I will get a room that is wheelchair accessible. David and I will have a little mini honeymoon. Too cool, huh?
Kat

It was a wonderful birthday this year.

Friday, May 15th was my 53rd birthday. It was a good birthday this year. Spent it with my daughter, my hubby and my grand-daughter and some friends from the Mainland. We had bbq chicken, ribs and hamburgers and hotdogs AND Rachel's world class margaritas. I only had one and was fairly snockered. Yeah, I know, I'm a cheap drunk.

Rachel gave me a makeover for my gift. Haircut and color, massage, manicure and pedicure. I took advantage of that on Saturday. SOOOO, I look brand new and at least 10 years younger. I feel relaxed, my nails on hands and feet look wonderful. I went red for nails and hair! It looks good if I do say so myself. I'll post pictures later.

David, my dear husband, gave me what is probably the best gift I've ever received. He gave me a weekend to myself in a nice hotel in Waikiki. That takes place next weekend, the 29th. I can hardly wait. He arranged for a nurse to come in and take care of him while I am gone. My parents are paying the nurse. My sis gave me a gift certificate to Red Lobster, one of my favorite restaraunts. It is just down the street from the hotel. I am so looking forward to this.

Lots of people would not want to stay in a hotel by themself or eat at a restaraunt alone, but I am going to love this. I have not had a single "day off" in 3 years since David had back surgery. I have to bathe him, dress him, even wipe his butt. He is in a wheelchair and at this point in his life, he can't do anything for himself, except eat and drink and use the computer. I have to serve up and cut up his food, but thankfully he can still feed himself. He is right handed, but can't lift that arm anymore so he uses his left hand. This is hard, since he is pretty weak in that arm too, but we try to have him do what he can for himself. As far as dressing, he can put on his socks, so he does that, but I do the rest. I use a hoyer lift to transfer him from bed to wheelchair or onto the toilet. We don't have a wheel in shower, so I give him a bed bath.

So, this gift from him and my parents and Rachel and my sister, is probably more valuable to me than it would be to most people. I am going to get room service. I am going to walk the beach with my metal detector. I'm going to sit around in the jacuzzi. AND, I look pretty again. What a cool birthday. Thank you, friends and family. You all ROCK!

Kat

Happy Mothers Day....Hawaiian Time

In Hawaii if you are late for anything, you just say you are on Hawaiian time, so this is not a Belated Happy Mother's Day, it is just on Hawaiian time.

I sincerely hope all my huge readership out there had a great mother's day. Mine was good. Spent it at the beach and then a bbq at home. Was really nice.
I was thinking yesterday about the many people that Mother's Day is not such a happy day. I heard on a blog that I read, that someone's father died on Mother's day, so this is not a good day for her and she "has to get something for her Mom, but her heart is not in it". Then I thought of the many people I know, including my own two sisters, who would love to be mothers but for one reason or another, they either cannot have children or don't have children. Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for both of my sisters and many other childless women. Yet, my sisters still have their mother, so in that they are blessed. My husband, on the other hand, doesn't have a mother any more. She passed away in 1984. He still mourns her every day. He is always especially sad on Mother's Day.
All this reflection made me think about our many holidays that for one reason or another are NOT happy days for people. I understand this. My first husband left me and my three children, ages 6,7, 8 years old, the day after Christmas. For years we all went through the motions of Christmas, but our hearts were not really in it. My two sisters, both with no children of their own, always spent Christmas at our house. They brought their many friends who were often separated from their own families (most of both of my sister's friends are from various foreign countries). Everyone had a great time at our house. We had huge meals with dishes from across the world. We would play games, we exchanged gifts. Yet the children and I would always see that empty chair at the head of our table, and remember that their Dad left us at Christmas time. I'm glad that finally Christmas is a good time for my children once again. They all three have children of their own,
now, and the empty chair is not a spotlight anymore.

My heart goes out to those that did NOT have a happy Mother's day. Maybe you lost a child or a loved one, maybe you've never been a mother. I wish for you Peace.
Much love,
Kat

I've never been one to yell, but I found out today that I yell alot

At least in the eyes of my grand daughter, U'i. Was hard to hear that, or rather read it, she wrote that in a paper at school. That I yell too much, but I am nice sometimes. Was rather shocking. It has me depressed now. Wonder what else I don't know about myself. I'm sure she will tell me. Seems alot of people tell me what is wrong with me. What clothes I should wear, how I should wear my hair. What I should do in life. Interesting. I never feel the need to tell others what they should do, what they should wear, how they wasted their brains or their life. But, for some reason I am fair game. Interesting.

One year ago today

I just realized that today is our anniversary.....of moving to Hawaii. This has been an eventful year. One full of beauty. A great year for reconnecting with some old friends and meeting new people. Two moves for housing since we arrived, but we are settled in for the long haul. Rachel and U'iLani live right next door. Sister Rebecca lives about 1 1/2 miles away. We have our two cats, Minnie and Munchkin back with us (they arrived last month, it was a real hassle moving them to Hawaii). We have tons of wild chickens who are now eating out of our hands.

These are the good things.

On the flip side, the not so good things......David gets worse every month. A case manager came and talked to us about nursing home options. I doubt we will go that route unless something dire happens to me. David flat out stated that going to a nursing home would kill him. Since his mind is made up, it probably would. Meanwhile, he requires more and more care. I am tired. I need a break. I pray I get one. Looking into a support group for caregivers. I heard there is one that meets every other month. I will check it out. This weekend three of our teen aged chickens were killed, not sure what got them. U'iLani is heartbroken as one of them was her favorite, she had named him Cupcake Junior. She cried for hours, it was very sad. She is learning about that circle of life, a hard lesson for a five year old.

I love being back in Hawaii. I need to make time to enjoy it MORE. Sunday we spent the day at Ala Moana Beach. It was a perfect day.

Land that I love

This is why I love Hawaii

WOW, I found it!

I thought it was lost forever, but I actually found the posting I did on New Year's Eve. Got it published. Nothing earth shaking, but it is discouraging to write something and have it disappear.

Happy Smile on my face!

I miss...........

I miss.......my kids being little, they grew up too fast. Rachel lives next door. Which is very cool, but my sons are too far away. Jeremy lives in Colorado. I am lucky if I get to see him every two years, sometimes it is longer than that. Jason doesn't really live anywhere right now, he travels. ALOT. I haven't seen him for a year on April 15th. That is too long. I think now that I am over 50, my kids should have yearly family reunions. We need each other. We've all been very close and this being separated by so many miles.....SUCKS. Now there are grand children. I only get to spend time with one. And I had to move to Hawaii to be able to do that.
I miss......Micah and Maya, my other grandkids. I don't like being the grandma that doesn't see her grandkids very often. I don't like that Micah and Maya are growing up without really knowing me. Talking on the phone just isn't the same. I want to spend TIME. I want to feel those little arms wrap around my neck and those little bodies snuggle up to their Nana. I want to tell them stories and do goofy things with them. Thank goodness I get to do that with U'i. She is the light in my darkness. She is what makes it worth getting up in the morning. I doubt she knows that even though I tell her how much I love her. I don't think she can fathom just how much I miss her when she is gone.
I miss....U'i, when she goes away. Today she left to see her Dad during Spring Break. I hope she comes back happy and her regular funny, sweet self. The other times she has spent time with her Dad, she comes back surly, and sassy. It takes weeks, sometimes months for her to adjust. We have to hear all the negative things her dad spouts to her about her mom, and all of our family. It is sad. I miss my U'i when she is like that. She is like some alternate universe child....one we don't know and who we long for until she comes back.
I miss my friends.................they live so far away. They lived far away before I moved to Hawaii. Moving here has not affected those relationships. I just miss that I used to be able to travel. To see my friends. To have a break.
I miss....... my husband being able to do things for himself.
I miss sex.........., and a husband/wife relationship. Much as I try to change it, my relationship is now that of a caregiver. Not on my part, that is how David sees me. There isn't anything else there. He doesn't make love to me, he tells me how much he loves me, but I don't feel it. I feel like I am just the maid, the nurse. Its sad.
I miss.......time for myself. I try to make time, but it is a precious commodity. Doesn't happen enough.
I miss.......writing. I make promises to do better. Wonder if it will happen this time around. All I can do is try. Not going to beat myself up about that.
Over and out....Kat was here.

Waterfalls seen from our yard this weekend

Just one of the reasons I love Hawaii so much. Even when it rains, it is beautiful. I counted 70 waterfalls within my eyesight. THere were actually hundreds. Regular camera didn't have fresh batteries so these pictures were taken with the cell phone, so they are not the best, but give you a good idea of what my view is.

Taking a break today to try to do a little blogging. David has been sick for over a month. I'm getting worried that these bowel problems are permanent. Trying not to be discouraged.

Wow, amazing how time can get away from you

I had a plan. I would post on a regular basis. I was thinking daily. I just noticed that in all actuality, I am posting on a yearly basis. That's what happens when a person has more things to do than they have hours in a day. Story of my life.

I did post on New Year's Eve. Unfortunately after writing my whole post, it somehow got lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Cyberspace. It was disheartening. I had written alot, even had pictures on it. I just didn't feel like doing it over. So, here it is February of the New Year, and I am finally getting around to posting. Good thing that blogging on a regular basis was not on my list of resolutions.

I have a house full of company. Friends from Switzerland. It has been fun. They leave next week. The house will seem empty without Raymond and Bernadette here. They will have been with us for a full month on Wednesday.

Marilyn, my upstairs neighbor from San Diego arrives on February 19th. She will be bringing our two cats, Mini and Munchkin with her. I don't know which I am more excited to see, Marilyn or the cats!

This next is a reminder to myself.........find the superpowers within yourself.......from an article I read while waiting in a doctor's office. Do you think it is bad karma that I stole that magazine? I'll bring it back on the follow-up visit.

Ok, time to start dinner after we feed the chickens.

Kat